Friday, July 11, 2008

A Boring Day In Downtown Pittsburgh

Stupid biased media, misrepresenting the facts in order to make evil shine. From the Psychosis-Gazette:

At 7:46 p.m. yesterday the concrete wall below Stanwix Street began to crumble, then quickly burst, black earth and slurry streaming down into the pit.

Several dozen construction workers perched above the hole let out a cheer as the metal teeth of a 500-ton tunnel boring machine saw daylight for the first time since January, when it began its journey from a hole next to PNC Park.

And with that, the German-made machine completed one half of a tunnel under the Allegheny River, a $435 million project that eventually will bring light rail service to the North Shore.

Don't fall for the spin! That was no cheer that people heard. See this video for the real story:


Tuesday, July 08, 2008

The First Cylon Was Created On Earth

They were created by man:

Once the world's most famous robot, a 7-foot aluminum man that smoked cigarettes, called people "toots" and appeared on the silver screen with a legendary showgirl somehow slipped into obscurity.
If they built this thing today, they would hand a gold chain around his neck, give him a Jersey accent, and name him "Guido". As it happens, he was called "Elektro". And he must have had an electric libido:
In 1960, Elektro starred as "Sam Thinko" in the film "Sex Kittens Go To College," alongside B-movie bombshell Mamie Van Doren, a bevy of topless dancers and a trained chimp.
Never heard of that movie before, but it has it all the right ingredients to qualify it as one of the greatest films of all time, as evidenced by the trailer:



A Guido robot, a sexually aroused monkey, hot delicious blonds, and horny Uncle Fester? That just screams "Winner!".

Toss in Conway Twitty, however, and it all goes flaccid. Conway Twitty? For crying out loud!

Perhaps one of those scientists in the movie got the idea to cross Mamie Van Doren with Elektro to create the Number Six model of Cylon. That makes perfect sense, in a suspension of disbelief, mixing of fictional realities kind of way.

The Big Kahuna Dangles, Hangs High

Oh yeah baby.

Sorry -- I meant to refer to this. Not having experienced it myself, I can't say whether it would be exciting or terrifying. Probably both. The initial shock would shake me up a bit, but after a minute or so, I'd be chilling and getting a thrill from the blood rushing to my head. And then lapsing into apathy when the numbness set in.

The closest to this that has happened to me was back around 1991 at King's Island near Cincinnati. The coaster (not an upside down one) braked when we were at the highest peak on the tracks. It would not have been bad were it not for the oncoming storm. Nothing like being stuck on metal high above the ground when lighting is imminent.

In fact, I have never been able to cross the Ohio-Pennsylvania border without encountering heavy rain and lightning. Why is that? At least my car never got stuck upside down. Facing backwards, however...

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Adama Is A Cylon

WARNING: This post is speculation, but may get a little spoilery down below. You have been warned.

The identity of the Final Cylon on Battlestar Galactica has been keeping me awake at night. Well, not really, but I have stayed up late a few times just scanning the blogs to see what the rest of the online BSG fanbase has to say about Galactica's journey to Earth and the missing piece of the LastSupper puzzle . I'm not sure that I care all that much about the irradiated planet that the fleet has found and identified as Earth. I'm more interested in that thirteenth seat at the table. I have gotten so interested, in fact, that I believe I have figured out who the missing person/Cylon is...or perhaps I should say, who they are.

The clues have been there all along, though some things were kept obscure until fairly recently. And based on the revealed spoilers for the upcoming Caprica series, the Cylons' origin fits in nicely with my theory.

I believe that, as Leoben Conoy told Laura Roslin back in Season One, "Adama is a Cylon". I do not, however, believe that the Adama in question is Bill. Or Lee. Or Lee's estranged wife, Dee. Or even Lee's dead brother, Zak.

The only remaining unrevealed Cylon, the last of the Final Five, is Bill's father, Joseph Adama. AND Romo Lampkin -- because they are both the same man. How so?

Consider what we know about the allegedly deceased father of Admiral Adama from the BSG series. He was a lawyer who lived on Caprica. He was a good father to his son. He specialized in civil rights law and worked primarily as a defense attorney. He had a good grasp of human nature.

And he had a protege by the name of Romo Lampkin.

Lampkin's background is sketchy. He suffered tragic loss throughout his life: first his parents, when he was a child; then, years later, his wife and daughters during the Cylon attack on the colony Gemenon. He still has his wife's cat, Lance, when he signs on as Baltar's lawyer. And he seems very interested in Lee Adama, in an almost fatherly way.

Or grandfatherly.

He also has visions of Head Lance after the cat has been killed, much like Baltar's Head Six or Caprica Six's Head Baltar, or Starbuck's Head Leoben. This seems to happen a lot to Cylons, or people who spend too much time with Cylons.

(SPOILER ALERT) Early reports about the Caprica pilot reveal that Joseph Adama was around when the Cylons were created. (It was my understanding that Cylons had been around for much longer; perhaps they were originally simple robots, but were improved and upgraded when AI technology became viable for use in everyday machines.) Adama lost his wife and daughter (Tamara) in a suicide bombing carried out by a monotheistic terrorist group. Daniel Greystone, the creator of sentient machines, downloaded both Adama's daughter's personality as well as his own daughter's, who was also killed in the attack, into robots -- the first Cylons. This apparently makes Joseph Adama freak out. (I don't blame him, if her new body looked like a walking toaster and said "By your command, Daddy" in a buzzy mechanical voice.) Thus would the creations that would eventually become Humanoid Cylons receive their original personalities. There is also one other whose personality was electronically downloaded. Should Caprica continue for any length of time, we may learn more about downloadable people and how the skin jobs got started.

An interesting fact about Joseph Adama is his off-world origins. He immigrated from Tauron and changed his name so everyone would think he was Caprican. Just the sort of thing a skin job would do.

Unless I missed something, there has been no mention in the series of how or when Joseph Adama died (if there is, then my theory is shot). If he was around at the creation of the Cylons, he may have found a way to download his personality into a new body when he was at or near death. Or into a machine, until a body (Romo Lampkin!) could be made. He could then keep tabs on both his son Bill and his daughter Tamara as they grow and develop. The same technology that saved his daughter could also save him.

Recall the scene in "The Son Also Rises" where Lampkin interviews Caprica Six in her prison cell:

Lampkin continues with his next question, "Well, because of this evolutionary move, fashioning Cylons to be capable of experiencing it. I don't know if it was engineered as a tactical imperative, but ...It's not for the faint hearted, is it?" Caprica Six agrees with her reply, "No, its not." Then,Lampkin asks,"Maybe, you should have been nicer to your mechanic?" Caprica Six doesn't say anything, trying to avoid the question, thenLampkin continues, "Well, perhaps Cylon love, is not the same as human love? Perhaps, it's designed to hurt a little less?" Caprica Six is resentful with her reply, "How would you know?"Lampkin replies, "I loved a woman ...beautiful, beautiful woman ...,but so serious. This frowning face, trapped in the middle of a daze. She had a way of walking ...procession, as if she ran away to her own execution. ...Yet, ten years and it fell apart under it's own weight." Caprica Six is moved by his words and asks, "Is that what you wanted?"Lampkin replies, "I thought, that if I could get over her, I could get over anything. Come on, be a man ...stand up to any and all kind of punishment. I clung to an empty spinning bed for months ...and that ...that was when I, finally, realized how much I loved her. If I needed all that strength? WHAT was the point? I needed to be with her."
Is the father is talking to the daughter about her mother? ("Oh, and how are things between you and that boyfriend of yours?") He seems awfully interested in Cylon origins, though he was ostensibly there to talk about Baltar. That was a curious tangent...unless there was deeper meaning.

Romo Lampkin had stated that he hated Joseph Adama, but also respected him because he learned everything about the law from him. Or had everything from Adama's brain downloaded into him. Self-hatred is a pretty common trait on BSG, too, so Lampkin's hatred of Adama fits right in.

Let us consider the words of the First Hybrid from the Guardian basestar in Razor:
At last, they’ve come for me. I feel their lives, their destinies spilling out before me. The denial of the one true path, played out on a world not their own, will end soon enough. Soon there will be four, glorious in awakening, struggling with the knowledge of their true selves. The pain of revelation bringing new clarity and in the midst of confusion, he will find her. Enemies brought together by impossible longing. Enemies now joined as one. The way forward at once unthinkable, yet inevitable. And the fifth, still in shadow, will claw toward the light, hungering for redemption that will only come in the howl of terrible suffering. I can see them all. The seven, now six[4], self-described machines who believe themselves without sin. But in time, it is sin that will consume them. They will know enmity, bitterness, the wrenching agony of one splintering into many. And then, they will join the promised land, gathered on the wings of an angel. Not an end, but a beginning.
He/it is talking about the union of the rag tag fleet and the rebel basestar that finds Earth in "Revelations" after the four hidden Cylons revealed themselves. The "fifth, still in shadow" is Lampkin/Adama. Speculation: He feels guilty for having his daughter downloaded into a robot body. She and her colleagues resent what has been done to them, leading to the First Cylon War. The human race suffers because of him. Romo Lampkin, trying to make amends (redemption), gradually reintroduces himself to the Adama family by pretending to be an old associate of Joseph Adama. He is in shadow because of his new body: No one can recognize him as Joseph Adama.

And now for a word about skin jobs. The original versions of these Cylons were apparently based on actual human personalities. Number Six, as I implied above, would seem to be Tamara Adama. Six once told Baltar that the Seven were programmed not to think of the Five. Was Daniel Greystone responsible for this programming? Did he want to hide the skin jobs' origins from themselves? Hopefully we'll get to see that covered in Caprica.

Note also how loyal Saul Tigh is to Bill Adama, even after he finds out that he's a Cylon. He must have been placed close to Adama for a reason, perhaps to protect him. Was this Joseph's way of looking out for his boy?

Finally, there is D'Anna's knowledge of the Final Five. She saw five faces, yet she told everyone that four were in the fleet. What about the fifth? Did she know him/her to be dead? Or did she just not recognize that one? She might have known the face of Romo Lampkin, who presumably lived on New Caprica during the occupation. She would not have known the face of Joseph Adama, if he had downloaded into a body with a different physical appearance. Everything fits.

I rest my case.

The End Of Politics

No, I haven't been blogging about politics, or much of anything, lately. The blogging method of fisking by excerpting and commenting on news articles and op-ed pieces is pretty much spent as far as I am concerned. There has to be a better way to get my point across.

Most of us are familiar with the method of laying newspapers around the floor to house train a puppy dog. I might try blogging that way. Since I don't want to waste a penny of my money on print media, I could print out an editorial, say, this one from the Psychosis-Gazette the other day, and lay the print out on the floor. (Alternatively, I could do this with pictures of Reg Henry from the P-G site, but I wouldn't want to desecrate the image of his nice shiny head.) Then, I would drop my pants, crouch down over the screed, and defecate upon the printed word. A still camera mounted nearby would photograph each step of the action, and I could then download the images to my computer for some fun photoblogging.

Yeah, I could do that. But my shit is a private matter, and I don't want pictures of it going out over the Internet, even if it's in a good cause. So you'll just have to dream.

Meanwhile, the major party presidential candidates will continue to bore us to death by being nice to one another when what we really need in this campaign is some good old-fashioned vitriol.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Buzzing Off

Basically, we're all doomed. But who will be the first to go?

By "we", I mean humans. The bees will have already vacated this Earth ahead of us -- if you believe everything that you've been hearing about the disappearing bees.

I first heard about this a couple of years ago. News reports informed us that entire colonies of bees are dying out. And not just dying out in the normal way; the critters are just vanishing, leaving no little bee corpses to be found in the hives. Strange story, I thought. But the implications are serious; the ecosystem depends a great deal on bee pollination. Without bees, a significant portion of our food source is gone.

However, the disappearing bees constituted a "slow news day" type of story, and I forgot about it. A few months ago, I saw Jerry Seinfeld's Bee Movie, in which bees stopped pollinating, and nearly starved humanity. At the time, I didn't see the connection -- Oh, look! It's a little bee who talks like Seinfeld! How cute! -- but now it's blatantly obvious.

A couple of times this year, characters in Doctor Who made references to vanishing bees. That's what sparked my memory. If the concept has ingrained itself into popular culture, then people are still worried about it. So I decided to do some 10-minute Internet research.

There are an unbelievable number of videos on YouTube covering the disappearing bee phenomenon. You could waste a day looking at them. I did not. I settled for this remarkably rational one:



Thank God for the skeptics, that's what I say. I look at the bee problem the same way I do at global warming and climate change: I don't deny that something is happening, but at the same time, I don't buy the propaganda disguised as conventional wisdom from those who refuse to apply rational thought to the matter.

If we can save the bees, great. If the bees go, we will adapt. It's our nature.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Secret To His Success

I'd like to try the Superstar Billy Graham diet. Who knew those things were so nutritious?

We Live On a Radioactive Ball Of Mud

At least, that's the impression I had when I saw last week's mid-season cliffhanger on Battlestar Galactica. I spent some of my free time over the weekend digesting what various blogs had to say about the shock ending. As painful as it is, knowing that I will have to wait another half-year for the final half-season, I am impressed with the way so many things were wrapped up...while many other things were left open to question. Everyone knows who the secret four Cylons are. D'Anna's faction has made peace with the humans. Bill and Laura are in love (awwww). Lee Adama finally found his calling. And the fleet finally reached the end of its journey and found the home of the long-lost thirteenth colony: Earth.

Or did it?

The 'net is rife with arguments over whether the irradiated wasteland is actually our Earth, and if it is, whether the final scene takes place in New York City. The best suggestion that I have read thus far is that the Colonial-Cylon landing party has set foot on Ellis Island. Perfect! Illegal immigrants from space, and no one to stop them from entering the country. I can't wait until next week to find out what's going to happen.

Too bad "next week" is over six months away. I hope the creators can keep up the pace that was set in the last two episodes. The show, while rightly acknowledged by critics and fans as one of the best ever, has been predictably inconsistent in each season thus far. It starts off strong...then gets better. Around mid-season (or mid-half-season) things slow to a near stop with one or two episodes that are thoroughly boring and do nothing to advance any story arcs. Then it picks up again, and ends on a cliffhanger that has viewers talking for months afterwards.

The show's biggest other problem is one that it shares with the original 1978 series: The more we see of the Cylons, the better. The show's premise was that a group of human refugees are fleeing from the Cylon Empire. When Count Iblis showed up, "delivered" Baltar to the Galactica, and got the Cylon's off of the fleet's tail, the old show went downhill. It lost its purpose, and by the time the Cylons re-appeared, the show had already been canceled. The new show has not made the same mistake, mainly because most story arcs are tied up in the Cylon-Human conflict at some level, but there have been shows that took place almost exclusively in the fleet. Zzzzzzzz.
Things happened when we saw the Cylons on Caprica during the first and second seasons. Scenes that took place on base ships moved the story along. The Year Without Cylons on New Caprica was passed over in about two minutes. Each clash between Cylon and Human, whether with weapons or with words, brought progress. The factions have united and discovered what is presumably Earth. There's no way that they can screw this up now.

Further observations:

  • The radioactive wasteland, I suspect, is somehow going to be explained through the prism of creator Ron Moore's leftist politics views. My least favorite moments in the series were all tied up in Moore's injections of current American politics into the story. Most of the time, it was irrelevant to the ongoing story; he did it just for the sake of doing it.
  • On the other hand, it would have been interesting if the fleet had discovered planet Earth in the year 2008. The show has a fairly diverse cast. From what I can recall, there has been no prejudice based on skin color; all human bigotry on the show is based on colony of origin, and there does not seem to be any colony that is all one color. If they had landed on today's Earth, people would have picked the Colonials apart by race. So maybe it's a good thing that we're all dead when Galactica comes home.
  • Speaking of skin color, it seems like the "less white" the Cylon babe is, the hotter she is. Number Six is okay for a one-night stand, but I can't see getting into a long-term relationship with her. D'Anna Biers is nice if you have a thing for a Dominatrix MILF type. She'd keep you coming back for more. Sharon Valerii is cute and sexy, a great combination that makes her a prospect for a long-term relationship. Then we come to the hidden models. When Tory discovered her true self, she officially became the hottest Cylon babe. I was starting to have a crush on her not long after she because Roslin's aide. When she defected to the base ship, I was ready to pack my bags and join her. Following my system of "darker=hotter" Cylon babe rating, it follows that Anastasia ("Dee") must be the final Cylon. I hope. They'll probably ruin my ratings system by making it Elosha. That would not be cool. Or hot.
  • Anyway, I have a feeling that Romo Lampkin is the final Cylon. Lampkin was a protege of Bill Adama's father, Joseph Adama. According to spoilers for the upcoming BSG prequel Caprica, Joseph Adama was around -- and possibly involved in -- the creation of the first Cylons. That's a thing that makes you go "hmmm".
  • The Lampkin candidacy assumes that the final is still alive. I suspect that he/she/it might already be dead, as much as that would suck. We have plenty of dead characters to choose from.
  • Baltar must be impotent; otherwise, he would have impregnated Caprica Six or D'Anna long ago. (Or any of the other 500 or so women he's bedded during the show's run.) Tigh did it in just a few conjugal visits to the brig.
  • How is babby formed? How Six get pragnent? I thought Cylons couldn't breed with one another. Is there something special about the final five that makes them run more like humans?
  • What am I going to do for the next six months? This might be a good window of opportunity to rent or borrow the first three seasons on DVD so I can revisit the shows that I haven't seen in years. It should be interesting watching the older episodes now that I know Tigh and Tyrol are Cylons.
And season four of Doctor Who ends in a few weeks. Darn it.