Monday, March 21, 2005

Hey Baby, Can I Buy You a Drink?

I miss out on so much by being married to a teetotaler. Did you know that there is an organization called "Ladies United for the Preservation of Endangered Cocktails"? Well, there is, believe it or not. If I were a single man, I am sure that I would be doing my utmost to contribute something to this fine association. These ladies have a high and honorable goal in mind as they seek to preserve culture through excessive drinking. Though you have to wonder, though, about someone who says that she

wouldn't be caught ordering a drink such as "sex on the beach" (vodka, Chambord, peach schnapps and pineapple, orange and cranberry juices) or a "buttery nipple" (butterscotch schnapps and Baileys).
But she doesn't have a problem with the potential implications of the word "cocktail"?
"None of us wants to be 'that girl,'" the 34-year-old administrative assistant said, describing the stereotypical "that girl" as a young female who perhaps has had one too many syrupy-sweet drinks or just swigs beer.
Here's an idea: Go around the bar and take a poll of men and find out if the guys want you to be "that girl". You may be surprised at what you learn. There is a reason that those drinks are called "Ladies' drinks", and that a man gets looked at funny if he tries to order one for himself. And how, exactly, does that kind of attitude fit your group's motto of "Dismantling the patriarchy one drink at a time"? Drink more "Ladies' drinks", why don'tcha!

I am almost proud this local contribution to cultural preservation. But a quick look at the picture of the ladies partyin' at a mausoleum on the LUPEC web site makes me wonder: Didn't some of them portray Velma's fan club, the "Dinkley Brigade", in the movie Scooby Doo 2? And a more in-depth perusal of the site reveals the group to be comprised of feminists with strong feelings about religion and politics. Republicans are "the enemy"? Sorry, ladies, but I will be drinking alone.

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