Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Mr. Disney is Assisting Police With Their Inquiries

A little ways north of Pittsburgh lies formerly little-known Cranberry Township. Now a thriving commercial area and residential municipality, Cranberry was once a little-known farming community and the butt of many a bad joke. ("Is that anywhere near TURKEY? Yuk yuk yuk!") Last night, as the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports, Cranberry was the site of a somewhat unintentional joke:

A convenience store clerk in Cranberry foiled an armed robbery last night when he burst into laughter after a man wearing a Pluto-the-dog mask pulled out what looked like a gun and demanded money.
The incident occurred just before closing time, when the clerk was alone in the store and presumably an easy target for Mickey Mouse's pet dog. A township police Sergeant advises that reacting as the clerk did, with spontaneous laughter, may not be the safest thing to do in these situations:
"I don't want to give the impression that that's an advisable thing to do," he said. "Pluto could have been a strung-out heroin addict. You never know."
Celebrity substance abuse is a terrible thing; due to the influence of the famous on the youth of America, there is a great threat that impressionable children might be tempted to copy the habits of their idols. Unfortunately, Pluto left in a huff before the dog catcher could arrive. The Cranberry police will be looking out for this (a)stray dog; says the Sergeant:
"This is our first encounter with the Pluto robber," he said.
If Pluto is smart, he will go back to protecting his rodent master from hungry felines, thus avoiding any further embarrassment and future jail time.

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