Friday, April 08, 2005

HEY! You Got That Botox!

Pittsburgh's lovely media darling is back in the news. Six months ago, she was one of the most annoying people on the planet. Today, I look at her and wonder where she has been for the last couple of years. In a strange way, I kind of missed her.

And why not? As soon as the 2004 Presidential campaign was history, she dropped her second husband's last name and resumed using the simple nomenclature by which she had been known since her first marriage many decades ago. Look at the article and count how many times the name "Kerry" appears. You can count them on one middle finger; just make sure that you are pointing towards Massachusetts when you are doing it.

What a refreshing change to see a Teresa Heinz article in the Trib that does not involve her sniping at reporters, getting her face sucked by John Kerry, or opening her curio cabinet of household remedies. She looks so nice in the accompanying photograph that it is easy to forget that she is sixty-six years old.

And that, my friends, brings us to the meat of the article. Teresa spoke to a "Health and the Environment" conference at the University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute on a number of topics relating to science. Why her? Just look at whatever currency resides in your wallet, and try to imagine having more of it than even Han Solo could imagine. That ought to be a clue right there. Money does indeed talk, and Teresa is living proof.

The caption to the photo explains that "Teresa Heinz expresses her concern about the toxic chemicals in the environment". And why shouldn't she be concerned? She has attributed her youngish appearance to the use of Botox. Botox is short for "Botulin Toxin". She is squirting toxic chemicals in her face, and who knows where else. No wonder she always seemed to be flinching and squirming in news photos of John Kerry kissing her last year -- she was worried that he might accidentally bite her cheek and die of face poisoning. That would be bad publicity for the spouse of a Presidential candidate.

Very dangerous. She is still nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to kiss her.

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