Tuesday, December 13, 2005

In Defense of Coors Light

Mike Seate is one of the more entertaining columnists for either Pittsburgh daily, mainly because he could (if he chose) claim the title of "regular guy" with more justification than just about any of his peers. He also earns points for reminding some of us of our younger years, memories of which somehow revolve around what was on television when we were growing up. A couple of weeks ago he referred to a home contractor to Fred Sanford, and today he compares his younger self to Arnold Jackson (Gary Coleman). My life flashes before my eyes.

Unfortunately, Mike's column takes a rather sinister turn: He blames Iron City Beer's financial woes on Coors Light, and takes every opportunity to rail against one of Colorado's finest.

Coors Light is one of the most maligned beers in existence, being held responsible for just about everything from homophobia to destroying an entire planet. You'd think this stuff was brewed on the Death Star, to hear the way that people rail against it.

Mike Seate doesn't get into the politics of the Coors company. He keeps it simple by pointing out that Coors Light is about the most watered down beer on the planet; that its popularity in recent years has forced Pittsburgh Brewing to water down Iron City; and that the loss of beery qualities in IC has caused the local brew to lose favor.

I won't argue about Coors Light being a weak beer. Light beers are supposed to have less of an impact. But I will tell you what: Coors Light was a big part of my life when I was a young and carefree single man. Nothing, and I mean nothing, went as well with wings as Coors Light. I'm talking about the kind of wings that are coated in toxic substances that melt your eyeballs while burning holes in your tongue. These wings were so heavily encrusted with death sauce that one tended to forget that there was meat on the bone. It took gallons of Coors Light for my dining companions and I to recover from the burns. When you're forced to consume mass quantities of beer, you can't go for something heavy like Samuel Adams, even if it is one of the beeriest beers on the market. Coors Light rescued me from being burned alive on more than one occasion just by being so damned watery.

It also did a fine job of clearing out the ol' plumbing. Enough said about that.

Coors Light may not be the refined gentleman's beverage of choice, but it is not, as Mike calls it, "easily the worst beer on the planet". I don't know what is, but then again, I've never tried Iron City Light.


jipzeecab said...

I started drinking Coors Light in the eighties when it was suddenly available east of the Mississippi around the same time I began drinking Corona. I usually drink one or the other depending on the situation (Coors if we are drinking "draft" and Corona if I'm only having one). I can't remember ever having an "Iron" since I wasn't living around here when I became old enough to drink.
I've visited the "Coors Light" website several times and I always feel a (psychological)CHILL coming out of the computer screen when I do.

Nicko McDave said...

I drank Iron City when I went to the Deep Purple ribfest at Station Square this past summer. That might have been my first time, as far as I can remember. Not bad for a hot Saturday night.

I prefer brews that try to emulate the European style, which around here would be Penn Pilsner and other Penn Brewery products. When I was in Minnesota this year I drank beer every day. I must have consumed more beer that week than I've had in the last two years here in Pittsburgh. Of course, it was a husky local beer (Summit Grand) that reminded me of Penn.

I need to get out more, if only to patronize a beer distributor!