Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Making The Grinch Look Good

Using Dr. Suess's "Grinch" character as a metaphor for anything that puts a downer on Christmas has finally gotten old and tired. It was nice a few years ago as an alternative to "Scrooge", but the novelty has worn off.

I blame columnist Reg Henry of the Pittsburgh Moist-Towelette. In his latest lame attempt at humor, Reg jumps the shark in sentence number three:

A timely e-mail from Missouri has arrived to ease my seasonal concerns. It seems that the poinsettia, that joyful plant much favored in Christmas decorations, is not poisonous after all -- although half of all Americans are said to believe it is. Perhaps they were the same half who last year thought John Kerry was poisonous.
Are you an editorial columnist, or a humorist? Heavens, man, make up your mind. Does the mention of John Kerry serve as a segue into an abrupt change of topic about politics and weightier current events? We will, sad to say, have to read on for more. (Incidentally, I never though John Kerry was poisonous. I was, however, afraid that he might peck me to death with his beak if I ever met him in person.)

The latter viewpoint was somewhat understandable, given that a politician so lacking in the common touch might be thought hazardous to simple folk. But surely the American people in their customary vegetative state should be able to see the poinsettia for what it is -- a colorful but nonthreatening plant that has had its good reputation cruelly Swift-boated.
Yep, a casual swipe at the Swift Boat Veterans For Truth. Men who were in Vietnam with Kerry, who heard and saw what he did, came out with their stories in order to inform the American electorate what sort of character wanted to be elected President in wartime, only to be excoriated by the left and the media for their willingness to step forth and tell the truth. And Reg Henry essentially compares them to people who spread misinformation about vegetation.

So where does the Kerry/Swift Boat theme go? Nowhere. Dead in the water, you might say. But don't worry; Reg isn't done yet. We have to wait about five paragraphs before he vomits up another talking point, this one relating to the "truth" about the location of Santa's workshop:

The truth, of course, is that all toy making has been moved offshore and the orders are routed through call centers in Bangalore. The operation is overseen by Halliburton Festive Industries Inc., which got the no-bid contract.
One suspects that Mr. Henry's contract contains a clause that requires him to take a shot at the Bush administration at least once per column, no matter how irrelevant. I think he missed doing so last week, so he has to make up for the omission this time around.

The rest of the column attempts to poke a few more barbs at the President by defending maltreatment of GWB's ears (I won't even try to explain). I kept reading this drivel all the way to the end of the page where it says "All Rights Reserved". What was the point of it all?

Yes, I am trying very hard to ignore his conclusion that those with whom he disagrees should be fed poisoned plants for Christmas. So don't bring it up again.

1 comment:

jipzeecab said...

The liberal media will never get it into their heads that the real message the "swifties" were sending was that Kerry rather than being a good sailor and leader of his men instead chose to view his military service as a political opportunity to enhance a false vision of himself. He posed as a combat soldier in a video he created for his future political use and worked behind the scenes to embellish his decorations...then after getting home besmirched everyone who served with him.