Monday, October 23, 2006

Intruder Alert

Something odd has been taking place at my home lately.

Just short of two weeks ago, some short bald guy moves into my house. I never met him before, and he's a pretty demanding sort of fellow -- when he's not sleeping the day away. Now, in the interest of human charity, I suppose I don't mind putting this guy up as long as he wants to hang around. He has no visible means of financial support and I understand that it's hard for a guy like him to get a job.

But you know what? He has gone past the point of merely accepting charity. He has taken to sleeping with my wife almost every night, and she seems to enjoy it. I frequently find them in a warm embrace while in bed. In all parts of the house, I find them hugging and cuddling together.
She has openly suggested that I do the same thing with him.

Yesterday morning, I decided that I had had enough. Rather than be outright confrontational, I take our little houseguest aside to have a chat over breakfast. Better to be civil than to do something that I might regret later. I made sure that I gave him a good breakfast, something that he would appreciate, and do you know what he did?

He puked on me.

I remained calm. From what I gather, he has had limited experience in the world. He is uneducated, and has spent most of his life indoors. I suppose we'll have to take some responsibility for getting him up to speed on most things.

I can only forgive, I suppose. We'll keep putting him up for as long as we have to, but I just wish he'd cool it with the getting up in the middle of the night and demanding another drink. Lives on a liquid diet, this guy does.

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