Thursday, February 22, 2007

Yechhh! Peanur Burrrr!

Peanut Butter is a staple in my household kitchen. No one at home has peanut allergies. My kids all like it, my wife likes it, and I like it. I don't eat it as often as I like, but that's because I don't want to take it away from the kids.

So, you tell me, I ought to to buy more PB so I have plenty in stock for when I want some.

Sure, that's simple enough. We usually keep a couple jars of Jif in the cupboard. When I was a child, I loved Jif creamy. I loved it so much that no other brand was palatable. Peter Pan, Skippy, and the odd kinds like Superman and Terry Bradshaw peanut butter were unacceptable. Nor was I fond of crunchy peanut butter. One time I went to a friend's house for lunch, and his mother gave us sandwiches with crunchy PB and jelly. For me, it was like licking a scoop of ice cream and finding a razor blade stuck in my tongue. Not pretty.

But I digress. Back to my point: I am a Jif creamy man; always have been, always will be. Unless, that is, I can get something good enough that's cheaper. If I shop for a less expensive brand, I can load up on peanut buttery goodness and keep everyone satisfied. I need to cut back on grocery expenses anyway, since I'm going to be spending a lot of money on Similac and strained baby food for most of this year. In a couple of years, the baby will be eating peanut butter with the rest of us.

So last week I went to Wal-Mart with a shopping list that included PB. I swallowed my Jif-loving pride and picked up two jars of the house brand "Great Value". I was so proud of myself that I tasted the Great Value Peanut Butter and enjoyed it! Not as good as Jif, but it would do.

Well OF COURSE we would hear in the news about 2-3 days later that some shipments of Great Value PB were tainted with salmonella. That's the risk you run when you deliberately buy cheap peanut butter. Now I feel like running a banner up a flagpole with the slogan "EAT FREE AND DIE".

It's not free, though; in fact, it is quite costly when you consider that at least one person allegedly lost her life to the tainted spread. That's terrible. I could have contaminated my entire family just for the sake of saving a couple of bucks.

Fortunately my wife had the presence of mind to move the PB out of the kids' reach as soon as she heard the news. The tainted jars are supposed to carry product code 2111. We couldn't find a product code like that anywhere, but confiscated the stuff just to be safe.

For now, my family is safe and healthy, and enjoying a small jar of Skippy procured from the local pharmacy. (It was the only kind they had!) Before I go grocery shopping again, I might just write a heartfelt apology to Smuckers, the owner of the Jif brand, begging their forgiveness for forsaking their product in favor of cheap and deadly Wal-Mart peanut butter. (I might also throw in the fact that I never believed the crap about former Jif owner Proctor & Gamble being a consortium of devil worshippers.) Then I am going to go out and buy the biggest container of Jif in the supermarket.

I could drive over to Orrville, Ohio and prostate myself before the doors of the company store, Simply Smuckers. But that would just be silly.

1 comment:

jipzeecab said...

ESPN sports personality Mike Golic of the Mike and Mike morning show missed three days of work last week. On late Tuesday his three children, wife and him all got ill with the uglier symptoms of the flu except fever for the remainder of the week.
On Thursday they heard about the tainted peanut butter and discovered the "2111" on the lid of a tub of it!
JIF wins all the taste tests..It's my favorite too!