Friday, March 30, 2007

I Like Chocolate, but JEEZ...

The latest big controversy in the art world is a life-sized, anatomically correct statue of Jesus Christ made from chocolate. The thin-skinned fanatical Catholic League is up in arms about it, which is to be expected. Any excuse to run around in public shouting "blasphemer!" works for them, because it helps them get to heaven when they die, or something. I'm a little cloudy on Catholic theology, and any attempt by my wife to explain it just leaves me even more confused.

Not being an idolater, the "Jesus" aspect of the chocolate figure doesn't bother me. It looks kind of like a crucifixion victim, but it also looks kind of like a nervous man riding a unicycle on a tightrope. Just because the "artist", or chocolatier, if you prefer, claims that it is a statue of Jesus Christ, has named it "My Sweet Lord" (kind of clever, that), and puts it on exhibition during Holy Week does not make it Jesus. That's the artist's problem, not the statue's.

The only offensive thing about the chocolate man is his dangling chocolate wiener. I'm a chocolate lover, and I would eat damn near anything made of chocolate. I draw the line, however, at chocolate male genitals. (If you're wondering "what about female genitals?", remind me sometime to show you a picture of the cake from my bachelor party.) Now that I think about it, I'm not sure I would want to eat a chocolate man (Jesus or anyone else) if he had a loincloth covering the naughty bits.

Best to go for a chocolate Santa Claus; he's fully clothed. Or, if you're looking for something borderline controversial, there's always a chocolate baby wearing a diaper. But that's okay, because it's from Sarris. Or, if I want something life-sized or close to it, I can go to Daffin's Chocolate Kingdom and snack on the Cocoa Rhino. If they would let me, that is.


eric said...

Hey Nicko,

A Google search for “Virginia Minnesota” + “hot dog stand” listed your blog as one of the results. I enjoyed reading this post and also the post about your trip to Northern Minnesota. If you come back, be warned that St. Louis County has one of the largest concentrations of liberal democrats in the U.S. ;-)

Take Care,


Nicko McDave said...

Hi Eric,

Thanks for visiting. Minnesota is the kind of place that I don't mind visiting regardless of the political climate. It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen.

I really REALLY want to go back someday!