Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Dan Rooney Can Go Fuck Himself

This statement should really be tucked firmly away in the circular file marked "Who Cares?", but the arrogance is too blindingly bright to ignore. It seems that the owner of a local major league sports franchise has felt the need to trumpet his feelings about this year's presidential campaign. Let's tear this bastard a new one:

Dear Fellow Pennsylvanian,
Fuck you, asshole. As far as I'm concerned, you and I don't even belong to the same species. Don't try to make it sound like I have anything in common with you.
Based on the experiences that I have had in my seventy-five years and my assessment of what I think our nation needs to make real the change that is so needed, I am proud and now feel compelled to endorse Senator Barack Obama.
Bad move there, bringing up your age. John McCain is younger than you, and Democrats are suggesting that he wears adult diapers, is senile, and is a good argument for setting a maximum age for running for office. (I know this because I read the Internet.) Do you think they are going to take your endorsement seriously?
This is not something that I do regularly but as I listen to the candidates in this race, I am struck that we continue to hear about the problems and the same challenges that we have been talking about for decades. Protecting jobs here in Pennsylvania, breaking our dangerous and costly addiction to foreign oil, making health care accessible and affordable -- these are neither new issues nor new ideas. And yet we have failed to make real progress.
In contemporary politics, "progress" is another word for "communism". Rooney wants government to be involved in everything. Government involvement created most of the problems that the nation faces today. "Progress" isn't going to make things better; it's going to make them worse.
As a grandfather and a citizen of this community I think Barack Obama's, thoughtful, strategic approach is important for America. When I hear how excited young people seem to be when they talk about this man, I believe he will do what is best for them which is to inspire them to be great Americans.
Grandpa's listening to the kids. How charming. When Dan Rooney refers to "excited young people", I can't help interpreting this as "potential future season ticket holders". He's a rich guy, and rich guys are all about money.

The Founding Fathers were inspired to be great Americans by their leaders, too. They were so inspired that they took up arms and shot the government in order to create a free society. No wonder Obama is afraid of people "clinging to guns".
This time, we can't afford to wait. Our country needs a new direction and a new kind of leadership " the kind of leadership, judgment and experience that Senator Obama has demonstrated in more than 20 years of public service, and in a particularly impressive way in this campaign. Senator Obama has rejected the say-and-do anything tactics that puts winning elections ahead of governing the country. And he has rejected the back-room politics in favor of opening government up to the people. Barack Obama is the one candidate in this race who can finally put an end to business as usual in Washington and bring about real change for Pittsburgh and the country as a whole. He has inspired me and so many other people around our country with new ideas and fresh perspectives.
Like most Obama supporters, Rooney says a lot about Obama without actually saying anything about Obama. Yes, we know who Obama is and what he symbolizes. But what is he, really? What does he really stand for? If Rooney's football coaches came to him to tell him about the hottest draft prospects in college football, he wouldn't settle for crap like this. He would want to know stats, see films, find out what the players have actually accomplished, and what they have the potential to accomplish. The whole paragraph is stupid, meaningless, and a rehash of the empty platitudes regularly spouted by Obama's mindless minions. Did Rooney even write this himself?
True sports fans know that you support your team even when they are the underdogs. Barack Obama is the underdog here but it is with great pride that I join his team.
Barack Obama is the underdog? Are you kidding? Doesn't matter; "true sports fans" are going to take Dan Rooney's word as gospel, since he and his family are revered as religious figures here in Pittsburgh. I, on the other hand, have not been able to take professional sports seriously in years, so I am unswayed by Lord Rooney's pronouncement.
When I think of Barack Obama's America I have great hope. I support his candidacy and look forward to his Presidency.
I look forward to paying off my mortgages and being able to start saving money so my kids will have something when I die. Meanwhile, Rich Bastard Rooney looks forward to using his power and influence to elect a President of the United States. The rich really are different, you know.

Sincerely,

Daniel M. Rooney, Owner and Chairman, Pittsburgh Steelers

Pay attention to the sign-off; this is very important. He doesn't sign off as a private citizen. He signs off as "Owner and Chairman, Pittsburgh Steelers". (More accurately, Pittsburgh Bitchbeaters, if you follow some players' off-the-field antics.) The tone of the endorsement suggests that he speaks only for himself; but by signing off as owner of the Steelers, Rooney creates the impression that he speaks for the entire organization. Every single individual on the Steelers' payroll is complicit in this endorsement, unless they come out and state otherwise. I can't believe that every Steeler is a Democrat, or an Obama supporter. Those who are not need to disassociate themselves from the Rooney endorsement.

I doubt they will, though. Money, money, money, baby. Mr. Rooney controls the purse strings. Money is power, and so is the word of the owner of the Steelers in this city.

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