Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Letters To The Editor, They Hurt My Brain

Usually I read the Moron Mail at the Psychosis-Gazette web site just to scoff at the asininity of 90% of the letters that the paper publishes. This morning's letter writers are striking back at me with a vengeance. Like this one:

Indeed, the proposed bailout is more like an entitled demand, as befits these Masters of the Universe, as they huddle in the Hamptons while they send their well-shod lobbyists to Congress...
I am seriously screwed, for I shall have this song stuck in my head for the rest of the day:



To say nothing of the mental image of those CEOs hanging out at the pool in fur bikini and blond Pete Rose wigs. Then there's this one:
If ever an administration has forfeited all rights to our trust in its judgment, it is this one.
This administration, of course, being...what? Whose administration? Rendell's? Onorato's? Ravenstahl's? Your local school district's? When you read the rest of the letter, it becomes clear that the administration in question is the George W. Bush administration. But the writer never mentions the name Bush or the office of the President. Does this twit suffer from such a severe case of BDS that she can not bring herself to say PRESIDENT BUSH, as if it were some sort of swear word? People do that in person, too. Whenever some lefty twerp starts mouthing off about "this administration", I want to chop them across the throat. ANYTHING to get this to shut up.

Then:
John McCain is trying to distance himself from the Republican Party. I think that it is time for all Americans to distance themselves from the Republican Party.
By voting for John McCain? Brilliant!

Idiot number 4:
We do not need to invade countries and fight at the drop of a hat like Mr. (John Wayne) Bush seems to think.
Yes, because he just went right into Afghanistan, Iraq, and all of those other countries without checking with Congress or the United Nations. Wait -- what other countries? And he DID go to Congress and the UN for support. Jeez, the PG will print anyone's garbage as long as it agrees with the editors' viewpoints, validity be damned!

This one donated money to Kerry in 2004 and Obama in 2008, so he has a financial stake in the election results:
I'm a Democrat and I pray every day for my country. I pray to God that Republicans will wake up to the destructive powers that they have unleashed upon our country and this planet.
See, this is why I am not a "religious right" type of person. I don't go around blathering and boasting about prayer. It sounds goofy when someone on our side says it, and it sounds goofy
when someone on their side says it. My spiritual meanderings are best kept personal and private. On the other hand, this guy makes me feel like the Dark Lord of the Sith, which is kind of cool. I've always wanted to shoot lightning from my hands.

Sometimes they scream out their rage at previous letter writers:
Mr. C tries to portray diplomacy as improper behavior that only Democrats engage in, when, in fact, Condoleezza Rice was recently on a diplomatic mission to Libya to meet with Moammar Gadhafi. Libya was responsible for 1998 Pan Am 103 bombing over Lockerbie, Scotland, which some consider quite radical.
I will be looking forward to her next angry letter a few months from now, when (hypothetically) President Obama meets with Ahmadinejad, who was part of the gang that took Americans hostage back in 1979. Some consider that to be quite radical, too.

We hear from a proud feminist, too:
Sarah Palin is being hailed by the GOP as the perfect example of the successful conservative working mother. Yet there's something creepy about the GOP's latest ploy to lure women voters. Hiding your pregnancy from co-workers, friends and close family? Returning to work three days after giving birth? What kind of family values are these?
Yeah! Right on! Why didn't the Governor of Alaska tell everyone how her husband thrust his member inside of her and filled her with babies? Huh??? Why not? Oh, maybe because IT'S NO ONE ELSE'S BUSINESS! It didn't significantly affect her job, and she has a husband (and older children) who can perform child care duties. My wife and I both work. We have five kids, too. After the first couple of births, the novelty wears off and it's no longer "the great unknown". My wife was ready to go back to work -- mentally as well as physically -- sooner after the last couple of kids were born. I see nothing wrong with Sarah Palin resuming her duties three days after Trig's birth. The same letter writer complains that Governor Palin is "turning back the clock" on the "women's movement". Bullshit. She is the epitome of the modern working mother. I see it at home every day.

Another correspondent chimes in on Palin:
...it greatly disappoints me that Sarah Palin will gain votes for Sen. McCain simply because of her gender.
Now this disappoints me, too. No, not the thing about people voting for Sarah just because she is a woman. I'm going to vote for her because she has reasonably good conservative credentials, and because she has more in common with America at large than any other candidate in the national race this year, except maybe for Ron Paul. What disappoints me about this clipping is his incorrect use of the term "gender". Gender is a grammatical term, referring to things like pronouns (he/she/it). What this guy needs is SEX. In place of the word "gender", I mean. SEX has come to be treated like a dirty word, because it is most frequently used as a shortened form of "sexual intercourse". Don't be afraid of SEX. Dig?

That feels better. SEX has made my headache go away.

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