Ohligarchy

What A Boffo Idea!

2009-01-29T12:22:00.002-05:00

There is a possibility that Dan Rooney will be deported for endorsing Obama.

Sure, the article says that Rooney is a "front-runner" to be Ambassador to Ireland. I prefer my spin on the news.

Pelosi's Rubber Stamp

2009-01-29T08:45:00.002-05:00

One of the many repeated memes of the first six years of the George W. Bush presidency was "rubber stamp Congress". Democrats hated the fact that a majority Republican House and Senate would frequently vote with a Republican president. It's like giving him dictatorial powers! Of course, Democrats would never do that. Would they?

Of course, they would -- if they had a majority in both houses of Congress and a Democrat in the White House. And that's just what has happened in the early days of the Barack Obama administration:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Barack Obama's economic stimulus legislation is headed for the Senate after a surprisingly partisan vote in the House in which Republicans united in opposition and 11 mostly conservative Democrats defected.

Aside from just under a dozen "Blue Dogs", "Boll Weevils", or whatever they are called these days, the Democrats handed Obama a nice big rubber stamp on this bill that cuts taxes, offers tax breaks, and increases spending. Decreasing revenues while increasing spending is one of the things that got the Republicans booted from Congress in 2006. The grass roots rebelled. When a Democrat government does it, somehow it makes perfect sense to that party. No, I don't understand it, and I am not going to try.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said it was unfortunate that Republicans could not see fit to support the measure.

"Well, we are definitely stepping up to the plate to say we'll be accountable," she said in an interview broadcast Thursday. "Republicans have had their chance. They decided to oppose - that's their choice."

The California Democrat said her party has "echoed" Obama's call to action and is ready to defend the large amount of spending in the measure.

Sorry, Nan. The current Congress is not a "rubber stamp" Congress. It is an "echo" Congress. I will be sure to remember that. For the rest of the Obama Administration, I will think of this Congress as the Echobama Chamber.

This might be a good time for me to pose a question that I have pondered quite often over the last few years: When people vote for President, do they think they are voting for Dictator? I get the impression that most voters think the President is in absolute charge of everything in the country. People (mostly Democrats) acted that way under Bush. They elected Obama because of the things that HE (not Congress, the courts, or anyone else) is going to do. Why not just hand him supreme executive power and forget about the rest? Silly people.

Opiate Of The Asses

2009-01-23T11:21:00.002-05:00

If you have eaten something that disagrees with you and you need something to make you puke it back up, read through Tony's column in today's Psychosis-Gazette:

This has been a week unlike any other for millions of Americans. Those who haven't felt pride of ownership in our democracy for years felt its insistent stirrings, once again. For many, especially African-Americans, the pageantry surrounding Barack Obama's inauguration was a renewed call to patriotism. Many felt obliged to answer in the affirmative for the first time.

Hear that, America? According to Tony, patriotism is not loyalty to country. It's loyalty to party, or to race, or both. If your party isn't in charge, you don't feel "pride of ownership". That's funny -- I couldn't stand having a Democrat as president from 1993-2001, but I never lot my "pride of ownership" in America.

Read the rest of Tony's drivel. Your gag reflex will respond heartily and your gullet with erupt like Old Faithful.

It is typical of the way that a lot of deluded Americans (a majority, apparently) feel about Obama. They act like they've won a war. Obama's victory has brought them to a state of mass euphoria. They're freaking high on the guy. Did they take him in pill form, intravenously, or did they just sniff him to get the buzz going? The man is a walking drug.

I didn't vote for Obama, I don't like the direction that he intends to take the country, and I won't miss him when/if he ever leaves office. But I don't feel like America has been taken away from me. I'm not stupid, unlike the Obama drones.

In the unlikely event that the government rescinds my right to vote for no apparent reason, I will have serious issues with America. Right now I don't care who is President. It's still my country regardless.

Enjoy the drugs, Tony.

On Second Thought...

2009-01-22T08:50:00.003-05:00

...maybe my zest for blogging went away after the virtual "death" of Pittgirl. Speaking of which, "Virtual Death" is one of my favorite Tony Martin-era Black Sabbath songs. Turn up your volume, and LISTEN.

Geezer Butler rules.

Attrition

2009-01-22T07:39:00.002-05:00

The country is under siege, and I have drastically cut back on my political posts because of it. The country has a new president, one who won on a platform of HOPE and CHANGE. Some have suggested that the hoped-for change includes regulation of the internet. That is just a fancy term for crushing dissent. If I dissent, my blog may be crushed, so I had better get used to talking about something other than politics. Like sports.

How about them Steelers? Wait...Dan Rooney endorsed Obama and then gave him the AFC Championship game ball. To hell with that Obamunist Dan Rooney. Who needs him?

Go Cardinals!

Top Babe

2009-01-22T07:04:00.003-05:00

I started watching Top Chef a couple of years ago when my wife became hooked. My fondest memory of Season Three is...Chef Casey. She was a fan favorite because she is, to be blunt, a BABE. There is plenty of drama to keep things interesting, but when all is said and done, it's the aesthetics that stick in my mind. I'm just a man, after all.

Season Four had some lookers, though none at the Casey level. It was more entertaining than Season Three. I'm glad Blais made it to the final and Stephanie won.

Season Five started out well. One of the chef contestants was a buxom Army wife who looks like Jessica Biel. Naturally, she was eliminated about ten minutes into the first episode.

Waiting in the wings was Chef Rad. Her looks are a fantastic combination of "cute" and "gorgeous". She has been compared to a lemur, but that's OK because lemurs are cute. She has been getting good reviews from the judges for most of her dishes, she has an agreeable personality, and she doesn't drag the show down with drama. I am pulling for her to win. Unfortunately I couldn't stay up late enough to watch last night's new episode. It would have been nice to see which of her opponents had to pack their knives and go.

What did you just say??? She was WHAT???

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Fifth Cylon

2009-01-22T06:55:00.002-05:00

So, BSG followers...is Ellen Tigh the Fifth Cylon, or just a red herring? I suspect the latter, since her former home is now underwater, like fish. Ha!

My "Romo Lampkin is Joseph Adama" theory would seem to be shot to hell, seeing as how Earth is (based on archaeological evidence) an ancient Cylon homeworld. What the frak? Cylons were supposedly created during the lifetime of Admiral Adama's father. How are they suddenly thousands of years old?

Sam Anders spoke on behalf of BSG fans when he wondered out loud how the Final Five could have come to live as humans in the colonies 2,000 years after living on Earth. It's always comforting when a fictional television character doesn't know any more about what's going on than the viewers at home. All, as they say, will be revealed. Questions like this just make it much more interesting.

Let's Turn Learned Foot Over To The Authorities

2009-01-07T08:32:00.002-05:00

I've been messing around with Facebook quite a bit lately. It surprises me how many of my old college chums and former co-workers from over ten years ago are still alive. Most of them are over forty years old!

Since there seems to be a FB page or group for all sorts of ridiculous nonsense, I did a search for "Kool Aid Report". Everyone loves KAR, right?

Not so Facebook. FB responded to my query with "Are you looking for the Abuse Reporting tool?". Hah! Foot's reputation precedes him. Don't ask me how Facebook knows about him; I'm just glad that there is a place to file grievances against him. Problem is...this is going to be a long list. Where do I start?

More Fuel For The BSG Fire

2008-12-23T14:12:00.003-05:00

Yes, another Battlestar Galactica post.

This promo came out a few days ago -- and it's not just any promo, it's a Romo promo!

See who shows up, apparently under arrest, about halfway through? Attorney Romo Lampkin, or as I prefer to call him, the Final Cylon. This makes me feel better about my Joseph Adama prediction.

Or perhaps it is just a red herring. There have been so many red herrings in BSG shows, promos, and interviews over the years that the producers could open a fish market.

But Is It Earth?

2008-12-17T08:12:00.001-05:00

Heroes may be off until February, but Battlestar Galactica will be back one month from now -- and about time, too. The whole quest-for-Earth business has been overshadowed by the mystery of the Final Cylon. I stand by my earlier theory that Joseph Adama is Romo Lampkin is the Final Cylon. I am also willing to admit that I am probably wrong, no matter how well-thought out my theory is, because TV people have a big problem with logic and common sense. My theory ties in nicely with the upcoming Caprica series. Why not have the BIG REVEAL promote the new show? That would be logical, and good business.

Still. Having perused a plethora of blogs, boards, and articles, I have noticed that there are a lot of people who have determined that Ellen Tigh is the missing skin job. Not least among these was an anonymous blog comment, posted by someone who claims to work for the show, revealing in advance that it has been Ellen all along. I don't have the link handy because I discounted the comment when I read it, assuming that the commenter was either passing out disinformation, or simply lying about being connected with the show.

If Ellen does turn out to be the one, I will be disappointed. My Adama/Lampkin theory just makes too much sense to me. I believe that Five of Five should be someone who is aware that it is a Cylon, and who can manipulate events in a big way. Lampkin emerged from shadow (Hybrid prophecy) to save the day at Baltar's trial, then played a more visible role (in the light) in getting Lee Adama appointed President. What did Ellen do? Manipulate her husband into carrying out her will during the brief time when he was military dictator of the fleet? Carry on like a total floozy with man and Cylon alike? Get herself poisoned by her secret Cylon husband? The only thing that makes sense about her being the Final Cylon is the empty place at the table next to Tigh, in front of the (poisoned) cup. But that has little to do with events in the series.

Ron Moore & Co. had better come up with some really good plot twists (and swirls) to convince me that Ellen Tigh is a Cylon.

Meanwhile...what of Earth? Is the irradiated waste planet really Earth? Is there another world to which the fleet can escape? What's all of this nonsense about the Final Five having been to Earth? Is there really a Cylon God, and is it something manifest, in the form of a thirteenth humanoid Cylon? To heck with Christmas, I want January 16 to hurry up and get here. We've been waiting too long for resolution!

Our Klingon Commander-In-Chief

2008-12-17T07:22:00.001-05:00

The nice thing about NBC's Heroes being available on the web is that I never have to worry about missing an episode. I'm usually a day or two behind.

The thing that stood out about this week's opening scenes was not the action on screen, but the presence of the name "Michael Dorn" among the actors appearing in the episode. There have been plenty of Doctor Who and Star Trek actors in supporting roles, but getting Worf on the show is the ultimate. He was always my favorite character on TNG, DS9, and the movies. I was very interested in seeing how he was going to be used here.

Every time someone was chemically altered (Ando, Peter, Mohinder) I half expected them to turn into a Klingon. Why not? What would have been cooler than Dr. Suresh lifting his face out of the pool of red chemicals to reveal a ridged forehead and a voice deeper than the Grand Canyon?

Instead of something ultra cool like that, I had to wait for the end of the show for my Worf fix. I was not disappointed. As soon as it was over, I asked Google how many sites were making reference to "President Worf". Less than a hundred, as it turns out. Still...this is going to catch on. No one will ever be able to watch Michael Dorn in anything without thinking "Worf". If he plays a President, he is going to be "President Worf", no matter how he handles the character. Mark my words, this will stick.

Good show, no matter who is in it. Get Hiro his power back, dammit!

Die Penn Brauerei wird geschlossen

2008-12-12T11:09:00.000-05:00

My great-grandfather was a German immigrant who worker as a bartender after he came to Pittsburgh's South Side (then know as Birmingham). Eventually he ran his own saloon. His brother also, for a time, had a saloon. Prior to this, a cousin who had come over several years earlier tended his own bar as well. When my great-grandfather married my great-grandmother, the signed witnesses to the wedding were not family members or neighbors, but a brewery man and his wife from way over the North Side (then known as Allegheny City). The brewing industry was such a big part of my family's life back in the early years, you might say that German beer flows through my veins.

With a heritage like that, it should be no surprise that over 100 years later I would feel drawn to a new restaurant called the Allegheny Brewery. Right in the heart of Pittsburgh's North Side, patrons could dine on authentic Germany style cuisine while drinking Germany style beer, brewed right on the premises. There was even a large window on one side of the dining hall that allowed all to see the big copper kettles where the house brand was brewed. The food was good, the beer was ausgezeichnet!, and the ambiance had a distinctive retro feel to it. This is the closest that I would ever get to experiencing what the night life was like back in my ancestor's day. I went every chance I got. My friends wanted to go out, I took them to the Allegheny Brewery. A cousin visited from out of town, I took him to the Allegheny Brewery. I wanted to treat my future wife to lunch, I took her to the Allegheny Brewery. At some point, the name changed to Penn Brewery, but the quality and charm were undiminished.

After getting married, I stopped going out. What used to be "fun" had become "too expensive". I didn't make it back to the Brewery until a couple of years ago, to meet up with a cousin from out of town. It was still a great place to meet family and friends. I knew I had to get back there again sometime.

Too bad for me, then, that the Penn Brewery is shutting down:

The fate of the historic home of the Penn Brewery, Pittsburgh's first and largest craft beer maker, appears sealed this week as the owners prepare to leave the 19th-century structure with its custom brewhouse and restaurant for new quarters somewhere in Pittsburgh.

So we aren't losing the business itself, just the very special physical structure that gave the restaurant so much charm and personality. This may or may not matter, if the "new quarters" can recapture the feel that the existing place has. If I'm lucky, perhaps it will relocate closer to where I live, or where I work. Maybe it's not so bad for me, then.

For those of us with an interest in historical preservation, there is a small beacon of hope:

But on Tuesday, founder Tom Pastorius, who is still a minority partner in the operation, vowed to find a new owner that would keep the brewery in place.

"I spent 22 years of my life in this building, and I'm sick at the thought of losing it," said Mr. Pastorius. "I'm actively looking for a buyer for either the building, the brewery or both."

I hope he can pull it off, but I'm not betting on it. The current CEO has some sound business reasons for making a move:

But moving started to look good, Mr. Caric said, because of the "liabilities" of the current site, which has no room for expansion and is isolated. He said the company has a real estate agent looking for a new site in a city neighborhood with a busy retail and restaurant scene. That would increase walk-in business, he said, rather than forcing customers to make the "commitment" to drive to the base of Troy Hill.

"We really want to take this opportunity to find a place where we can do better," Mr. Caric said.

The isolation is part of its charm. And how many places nestled in city neighborhoods have decent two-level, off-street, FREE parking facilities? That was a bonus right there. If they can find a location with parking that is both plentiful and free, fantastic! But city neighborhoods "with a busy retail and restaurant scene" are notorious for metered parking. How much customer base will be lost if patrons either have to feed parking meters or take buses to get there? It will be interesting to see where this ends.

Go here and watch your browser's arrow turn into something frothy and delicious! And please visit for a meal and a beer before it's gone for good. You have until the end of February.

Big Musical Mistake

2008-11-26T11:48:00.002-05:00

I have always preferred the sound of the electric guitar to the piano. This is as good a reason as any:

On the other hand, I love organ music, and harpsichord music as well. A fast-paced heavy metal song would translate well to Lurch's preferred instrument, I think.

Conspiracy Theory

2008-11-19T07:32:00.001-05:00

Perhaps PittGirl bet the continued existence of her blog on a Ted Stevens victory in Alaska.

Nuked From Orbit

2008-11-19T06:55:00.003-05:00

See, this is what happens when I spend my Internet time watching YouTube junk and trolling stupid message boards, instead of keeping up with my favorite blogs. I admit, I have fallen behind in blog reading lately. Sometimes I get bored with blogs and blogging. And I forget about it.

Then, a few days later, I wonder what PittGirl is going on about these days, and when I go to The Burgh Blog, it ain't there. The Girl has obliterated it. The current site, the original Blogger site, the archive.org cache, all gone. It might sound silly, but I really want to be sure that I saw the last post before it all went away. Nothing is there but a mushroom cloud in the form of a Dear John letter.

In the greater scheme of things, it's just one more meaningless distraction from the important things in life. But it was FUN, and maybe that's more important than we think.

I don't know who PittGirl is. I don't know if she's somebody I've met. For all I know, she might be related to me. Does it matter? PittGirl is everybody's friend, and everybody's sister.

And if her identity ever becomes public, I hope to God that she really is a girl.

I Might Need To Start Burning My CD Collection

2008-11-10T16:32:00.002-05:00

I have been a Deep Purple fan for many years. I enjoy listening to every iteration of the band. I own all of the albums on CD. I also like most of the so-called "spin-off" bands, like Rainbow, Gillan and Whitesnake.

Whitesnake.

Whitesnake was in the news recently. It seems that singer David Coverdale, who became famous as a member of Deep Purple in the mid-1970s, has taken a very personal interest in the 2008 presidential campaign. Right around Election Day, Coverdale heard one of his most popular Whitesnake tunes being played during a John McCain campaign rally that was shown on CNN. He did not appreciate his song being used in that way. Mr. Coverdale, we learn, acquired US citizenship not long ago. This means, of course, that he can vote -- for Barack Obama, as it turns out.

This is not surprising. Rock N Rollers have a lot in common with Obama supporters, which is that a lot of them must be on drugs, or at least seem like they are. (McCain supporters, in contrast, are so sober that most of them just stare at the ground and wish there was a pill that they could take to make it all go away.)

Coverdale's objections are understandable. McCain's people should have been vetting the artists whose songs they wanted to play at public appearances in order to avoid being embarrassed when the washed-up fatheads complain. This is just typical of how badly mismanaged the campaign was from start to finish.

On the other hand, I now have a personal dilemma. Since I am now aware that David Coverdale is among those who have publicly expressed admiration for Barack Obama, should I commence incinerating those prized recordings in my collection in which he appears? They are in fact my physical property because I did pay for them, so I have every right to burn them if I want. I am torn right now. I have never felt this kind of animosity for someone on the A list before.

Good thing I don't spend good money on this kind of crap anymore. When it comes to celebrity culture, I just don't know who I can trust anymore.

Senator Night Live

2008-11-05T15:22:00.002-05:00

It looks like Al Franken is losing in his bid to win election the the US Senate from Minnesota. As long as we're taking a serious look at former Saturday Night Live people as candidates for US Senate, why not look to Alaska? Ted Stevens, who has been in office almost as long as I have been alive, won reelection but will never get a chance to continue in office due to his legal problems. Governor Sarah Palin will need to appoint a replacement when Stevens steps down. Why not her new best friend Tina Fey? If nearly half of Minnesota though Franken could be a Senator, surely Alaska shouldn't have a problem with Tina. I'm sure that Governor Palin would just love to let Tina stay at her place. And when Tina needs to leave her daughter to attend sessions in Washington, Bristol can babysit.

Obama's Natural Constituency

2008-11-05T12:09:00.002-05:00

This seems to be fairly typical of the kind of people I have to work with day in and day out.

Barfobamarama

2008-11-05T10:52:00.001-05:00

This post and comment thread at PittGirl is so treacly and drippy that it makes me want to vomit. Stop being so nice, damnit!

Things That Go BOOM In The Field

2008-11-05T07:13:00.001-05:00

When non-veteran President Barack Obama has to use military force for the first time, do we get to call him a chickenhawk? What goes around comes around, bitches.

Cry Freedom!

2008-11-05T07:08:00.001-05:00

Suddenly, this Alaskan independence movement seems like a good idea, doesn't it?

Welcome To The Inferno

2008-11-05T07:04:00.000-05:00

A Second Chance At Greatness

2008-11-04T12:49:00.002-05:00

Has anyone noticed that the PG's Early Returns blog doesn't suck today? Bill Toland is back! I actually got to enjoy Early Returns when he was a regular there. Leave it to the PG to farm him out to the Casino Journal blog. If we're lucky, they'll keep Toland in the ER (heh!) past today, but I wouldn't count on it.

Youth

2008-11-04T12:11:00.002-05:00

Every four years, when we have a Presidential Election, I inevitably hear about how there is a youth movement gaining ground, how so many young people are registering for the first time and getting involved, and how the younger voters will make a difference in the way things are run.

Oh -- and they are all "liberals", i.e. "progressives". Allegedly.

This is such bunk that I can not take it seriously anymore. Having had plenty of time to think about it over the twenty-three years that I have been voting, I have come to the conclusion that the "youth vote" is a myth. Young people getting involved in the political process has nothing to do with being more concerned about the future than previous generations of American youth. The reason so many younger voters appear to be active is that they are legally eligible to vote for the first time ever. Of course they're getting involved in the current election. It would have been illegal for them to vote in the previous one.

Making a big deal about the youth vote in a Presidential election is like going to bars every four years and noticing that there are more people between the ages of 21 and 25 drinking alcoholic beverages. Or checking drivers' license stats and finding that there are kids in their late teens who weren't driving four years ago.

When there are more forty year olds registering to vote for the first time than eighteen year olds, that will be news.

Barry's Kids

2008-11-04T09:06:00.002-05:00

It was very easy to vote for George W. Bush in 2000 and 2004. Albert Gore and John Kerry were such obnoxious assholes that I considered my votes for GWB to be symbolic punches in the nose to those two honorable Senatorial gentlemen.

Barack Obama, for all of his insulting and divisive rhetoric, at least sounds like a decent human being when he is talking. Neither Gore nor Kerry could pull off the right tone. Unlike Gore and Kerry, Obama does not display the condescension worth of a punch in the nose.

The goofshits who support him are another matter, however.

I work at a place where there are a lot of 18-22 year olds, as well as a lot of professionals whose livelihood depends on public funding. Needless to say, you would almost think that Obama was running unopposed if you hung around the place for a while.

It's not just where I work, however. It's on Facebook. It's on the blogs. It's on the editorial pages of our nation's newspapers, as well as on our TV screens. It's on the fronts lawns all over my neighborhood. (What kind of exhibitionist needs five Obama bin Biden signs on his lawn, anyway?) It's in the opinion polls -- oh wait.

I never took part in any opinion polls. I don't have ANY signs in my yard. I don't give a shit what the media tells me to support. I keep my politics off of Facebook. My blog is anonymous and very small-time. In other words, my political views are well off the radar.

While it still looks like Obama's time to win it all, I still harbor hopes that I am representative of a silent majority that will put John McCain over the top. Whatever happens, the next few years are going to be quite a ride.

And I might just speak up if the Obamacrats make a big deal about the election results, come what may. The little dorks.

Vote Early, Vote Once

2008-11-04T08:54:00.002-05:00

So, now that my votes have been cast, who did I vote for? Surprisingly, most races had Republican candidates for whom I could vote. John McCain, Sarah Palin, Tim Murphy, Tom Corbett, Tom Ellis, and Chet Beiler all received my vote. The State Representative race between Democrat Dan Deasy and a Reform Party candidate was a joke, so I added a punch line by writing myself in.

If you live in the 27th District, vote for me.

In addition, there was one question on the ballot, something about floating municipal bonds to pay for something or other. Ed Rendell called me the other day -- he sounded like he stopped in the middle of eating his sandwich to record a robocall -- and urged me to vote YES. So I voted NO.

The dearth of uncontested races made it easy for me to finish up, get out of there, and go home to say good morning and farewell to my offspring before heading out to work.

Mikrowellen gegen die Wahl

2008-11-04T08:44:00.002-05:00

There was a medium-large sized sign next to the door where I entered my polling place. It dictated two things:

Cell phones must be turned off before entering the building
No picture taking is allowed inside.

It could be that the bureau of elections is concerned about people taking pictures with their cell phone. Sometimes you can't tell if someone is using their phone to text or take pictures. Or maybe they don't want anyone tying up the line by calling someone to find out who to vote for.

I'd like to think that, with all of the other alleged problems that electronic voting machines have, the experts have determined that microwaves from cell phones -- you know, the ones that cause cancer -- interfere with the voting machines and cause people's votes to register incorrectly.

At least, that's the excuse that some people are going to use when their candidates don't win tonight.

I'm Number Five!

2008-11-04T08:37:00.002-05:00

When I went to my polling place this morning at 6:45 AM, I was eighth in line. One minute later there were at least twenty people behind me. What good timing.

Five minutes later, one of the two honeys just ahead of me in line took off for parts unknown. I was now number seven in line.

Five minutes after that, another door opened up. The election people wisely decided to make the two districts enter through separate entrances. I was already at my district's door, but the honey in front of me and the guy she was talking to had to move to the other entrance. Now I was fifth in line.

Five minutes went by, and the Constable opened the door to let us in. Sure enough, when I signed in at the table, the Commissioner circled put me down as the fifth person to vote this morning.

In the FIFTH district of my borough

There must be some significance to the recurrence of the number 5 in all of this, but I couldn't possibly say what it might be.

That Doesn't Scare Me

2008-11-01T06:05:00.000-04:00

Last night I walked around my neighborhood keeping an eye on my immediate descendants as they looted people's porches for tooth decaying sweets. Since I was just there to herd them in as they went from house to house, I spent most of the time surveying the yards. As with any holiday, there were some fantastic decorations adorning people's residences. The coolest one was a giant screen in someone's front yard playing the classic Mel Brooks spoof Young Frankenstein -- right next to a John McCain sign.

That surprised me. There were plenty of political signs along the way, for candidates from County Council to President, but all were for Democrats -- except the Young Frankenstein house, and one other a few doors down. The abundance of residential political advertising at Halloween time amuses me. How many yards were there with ghosts, witches, fake graves, coffins...and an Obama sign? Quite a few in my area. It's like Obama signs were the top Halloween decoration this year, intended to scare people. People like me.

It didn't work.

Every time a Republican is in office, or is running for office, or there is a general shift to the right in general opinion, some twit will proclaim that "(person or policy) scares me". Like, "George Bush scares me". Or, "the anti-choice zealots scare me". With these people, it's always "scary" that "this person" thinks "this way" about something. Say hello to the politics of FEAR. Everyday is Halloween for the people, without the candy.

When the scared person is a man, the testosterone deficiency is evident, as is the stupidity. If you don't like someone else's views or plans for running the country, you are supposed to stand up for what you believe in and fight for it. Going on some national cable TV news show and telling the world that you are scared is not an act of boldness or defiance. I know I don't sit there and think, "That man says he's scared. That's the kind of leadership we need!" I laugh at the poor bastard and proceed to ignore him.

Next time you heard some lefty liberal telling you that Sarah Palin, or whoever, is SCARY, try to give him a good swift kick in the balls. Don't worry about hurting him. There won't be anything to hit.

Facebook: The New Psychosis

2008-10-31T14:39:00.000-04:00

A few months ago I opened an account on Facebook because it's the thing to do nowadays, and unlike Bebo or MySpace, it doesn't assault the casual observer with an obnoxious array of unbearable sound and graphics. On Facebook, everyone is the same. It all looks friendly.

Through Facebook, I have reconnected with a few old colleagues, classmates, and long-lost relatives. I have even picked up a couple of new friends. Because this is an election year, quite a few of these folks have taken to using their Facebook pages to thrust their views on politics and current events onto the rest of the world. You may, if you wish, identify your politics (usually with one word like "liberal" or "conservative") in your personal info. Generally, this isn't such a bad thing, because Facebook is the place to let people know exactly who you are. Many people define themselves according to their political beliefs.

Some of them link to specific candidates' serious Facebook pages, or join goofy little groups that are all about hating Palin, Obama, or whoever. I have chosen to keep myself apart from any of that, because as one Facebook profile I encountered said, "Politics and social networking don't mix". Since I am not involved in any sort of political activity, I have opted to remain neutral.

Some people, however, have gone beyond taking sides. They feel the need to identify with their candidate so strongly, that they have appropriated his name. Perhaps you have heard about the "Hussein" fad. Many people on the Left are so offended by the Right's alleged obsession with Barack Obama's middle name, that they have changed their Facebook name to "(First name) Hussein (Last name)". Like some guy named John McCain becomes John Hussein McCain just to make a statement.

It's witty, it's clever, and it's completely ridiculous. I have a hard time taking someone seriously when they screw around with Facebook naming conventions this way. Fortunately none of my Facebook friends (some of whom are Obama supporters) have gone with the pack on this one.

So of course, when I look up some folks with whom I've been out of touch for a while, lo and behold I find a Hussein. He's Greek. The man is also pushing age forty. His first and last name are of Greek origin, yet he drops a Hussein bomb smack in the middle. It looks odd. And stupid. I was going to send him a friend request, but now I am conflicted. How can I take this guy seriously when he has such a silly, cartoonish name? I may wait until after the election to contact him. If he drops the Hussein, I'll pick him up. But good grief...I don't want some loony on my friends list.

And Now, A Word From The Bucket-American Community

2008-10-31T10:11:00.003-04:00

I just had to get this screen capture before someone notices and corrects it. "Pail rails", indeed.

Who's Up For Some Extortion Tonight?

2008-10-31T10:03:00.002-04:00

It's not everyday that you can walk up to people's houses and get handed free sweets. Well, not until Obama gets elected and mandates it, anyway. But for now, this is the one day of the year when this is possible. Halloween! Possibly the only holiday when the entire neighborhood comes out in full force to share in the spirit of the season...because there's candy for everyone!

And what would a holiday be without some nice festive music?

A good time will be had by all.

BEHOLD THE AWESOME POWER OF JOHN MCCAIN!

2008-10-24T08:50:00.000-04:00

It Is To Laugh: Predictable PG

2008-10-13T10:34:00.000-04:00

So I sit down at my computer Saturday evening and take a look at the local news. Like someone who sits through an entire slasher movie in spite of their personal revulsion at the gore and violence contained therein, I took a peek at the Pittsburgh Psychosis-Gazette's "A Fine Point" blog. This is where the paper's editorialists try to stay relevant by playing at being amateur bloggers. The leading contributor to the blog is Tom Waseleski, Editorial Page Editor, and apparently a bigger Arschloch than Reg Henry and Dan Simpson, if you can believe it. (To give you an idea of Editor Tom's mindset, take a look at this rant about Sarah Palin and tell me whether PG Now shouldn't qualify as an internet hate site.)

Back to Saturday: Tom posted a teaser about the paper's upcoming endorsement of one of the two major presidential candidates. I just about fell out of my chair when I saw this bit:

You loyal readers of the PG's Sunday Early Edition have seen it already -- the newspaper's presidential endorsement for 2008. Those of you who read us online will see it posted on our web site after midnight tonight. All other customers, well, you'll have to wait for your Sunday paper.

Those three sentences qualify PG Now as an internet humor site. The PG's "loyal readers" = bunch of dorks. Anyone who has loyally -- or disloyally, in the case of people like me -- been following the PG for the last several months knew who the editors were going to endorse. It wasn't going to be someone with the word "REPUBLICAN" on their voter registration card. It didn't matter if the Democrat candidate was Hillary, Obama, Jesus, or Satan. The left-wing Psychosis-Gazette has been totally in the bag for the Democrats for years.

The subsequent endorsement, naturally, turns out to be a big yawner. It is nicely crafted, starting off with two paragraphs that evoke images of purple mountains' majesty and amber waves of grain:

American exceptionalism -- the idea that this nation by virtue of its history, political beliefs and the blessings of divine providence has a favored place in the world community -- is easy to believe in this year of a presidential election that is in every way exceptional.

Titanic forces have been at work. It is as if history has been a glacier inching its way to the sea, coming together at last for a dramatic climax that most Americans could not have imagined when the journey began.

Wow. I feel like one of the yokels at Sam Drucker's General Store, hearing the patriotic music playing whenever Oliver Wendell Douglas would make a speech about the founding fathers. It's all downhill from here:

Think what an unprecedented cast of characters our democratic process has brought forth to shape history. On the Democratic side, the fates summoned the first African-American candidate of a major party, Barack Obama, who is running with the capable Joe Biden, a more traditional choice.

Obama is special because he's different. Biden brings gravitas, just like Dick Cheney in 2000.

On the Republican ticket, the team comprises a war hero, John McCain, in the past disliked by his own party and once on the brink of defeat during his primary campaign, and the first woman to be on the conservative party's ticket for vice president, Sarah Palin.

It's not so much that John McCain is the Republican candidate, but that he is the candidate who just happens to be registered as a Republican. Sarah Palin, on the other hand, is ideologically more in line with what we expect of our chosen representatives. The McCain nomination was such a fluke, it's like Bob Dole all over again.

Think also of the dramatic context in which these figures now vie for our vote -- not only the continuing wars on several fronts since the terror attacks of 9/11, not only the sad legacy of disunion and disarray left by the chronically unpopular President George W. Bush, but also the worst economic meltdown since 1929 fresh upon the American people.

Jimmy Crimminy! You'd think that we had a civil war brewing in the streets of America! And it's all Bush's fault. At the Psychosis-Gazette, everything is Bush's fault.

In three weeks, Americans will be called upon to make an exceptional judgment worthy of the times. The forces of history appear to invite boldness and the Post-Gazette believes they should be heeded by voting for the only authentic, fresh agent of change in this race, Barack Obama.

Whoa! No one saw that one coming! I was sure these guys were going to give a green light to Bob Barr, the Libertarian candidate. But Obama? Wow! What more can you say but HOPE and CHANGE?

The greatest argument for change is also suggested by history. For the two-party system to work for the good of the republic, the parties need to be held accountable. They need to be sent to the wilderness from time to time to rethink and regroup. Ronald Reagan's success was built upon Barry Goldwater's debacle. The rise of Bill Clinton would not have been possible but for the lessons learned from the defeats of Jimmy Carter, Walter Mondale and Michael Dukakis. For every phoenix there must first be a fire and that time has come for the Republican Party, whose arteries are clogged with ideology accumulated at the long feast of power.

I can't really dispute anything in this paragraph. The Republicans do need to clean house, but it would be better if they could do so while still in power.

Despite the recent nastiness of his campaign. Sen. McCain is essentially a good man, but he is yesterday's man. His campaign takes its core text from the "Wizard of Oz": Don't mind the man behind the curtain. That man is George Bush, the failed magician who cannot be spoken of lest the American people be reminded of what he has wrought and what party he belongs to.

It doesn't take long for the editorialists to resume doing what they excel at: Bush-bashing. And doing so at McCain's expense. John McCain and George W. Bush have been rivals for years. McCain has always seemed ill at ease around Bush. There are still plenty of hard feelings between the two from the 2000 primary campaign. McCain's nomination came in spite of, not because of, George Bush. But he is a Republican and, says the PG, must be inextricably linked with the Bush administration.

To make their trick work, Mr. McCain and his running mate, Gov. Palin, trade heavily on being mavericks -- too heavily to be believed.

Yeah, I'll admit that the whole "maverick" thing has been overplayed. At least Sarah's mavericosity was directed at RINOs.

It is true that Mr. McCain has a capricious streak that has made him a thorn in the side of his own party on various issues. Yet while he has not joined the know-nothing brigade in climate change denial, he has picked a running mate who is a diva in the drill, baby, drill chorus of fossil-fuel adulation. Mr. Obama, while he has recognized the need for more drilling, has put more emphasis on new sources of alternative energy, the only real hope for the future.

It's not whether you recognize the need for new sources of energy, but how much you emphasize it. That's change. That's hope.

On Iraq, Mr. McCain did needle the Bush administration to put in more troops and he makes much of the fact that he backed the surge. That the surge was a success to the point that it reduced bloodshed does not vindicate the wrong decision in the first place to invade a country that was not behind the 9/11 attacks and did not have weapons of mass destruction; Iraq has been a huge diversion from Afghanistan.

Even when McCain's right, he's wrong!

All of this Mr. McCain, despite his vaunted experience, got wrong at the start when Barack Obama recognized the folly. That fundamental error is still costing the nation $10 billion a month, funds desperately needed at home, yet Mr. McCain sees the surge as more reason to stay than to plan now to leave and put the war in the hands of the only people who can ultimately win it: the Iraqis. That is what Mr. Obama wants to do in stages and what Mr. McCain only hopes for over the rainbow.

Yeah, the guy with access to all of the intelligence got it wrong while Obama, who was basically a nobody back in 2001, should have been listened to! Makes perfect sense.

On health care, Mr. McCain's insurance plan is straight from the George Bush playbook, with its heavy reliance on private competition to give Americans coverage. His $5,000 tax credit for families is a pittance that won't solve America's national shame, the millions in the ranks of the uninsured. Mr. Obama's health-care plan will address that directly -- and, no, it won't be socialism. Americans will still have their choices.

Call it socialism or don't -- it will still be government control over American lives. We have choices when it comes to our children's education, but just try opting out of the system. No private school, no homeschooling -- just drop out completely. See how soon it takes for government to respect that choice. It'll be the same for government health care.

On the economic meltdown, Mr. McCain famously said "the fundamentals of our economy are strong" shortly before it collapsed. Although he has admitted that economics is not his strong suit, he foolishly suspended his campaign briefly to interject himself into a situation that he did not understand and where he was not wanted.

Shame on a United States Senator for getting involved in a public issue! What, does he think he might have to vote on it sometime? Perish the thought.

As for the "fundamentals of our economy are strong", I agree with that insofar as it refers to a free-market based economy. The more government gets involved in money matters, the more it screws things up. When the government raised the minimum wage last year, did you notice groceries and gasoline getting more expensive? Or did you notice your employer making staff cuts and laying people off in order to be able to pay the new wage? I sure did.

Mr. Obama doesn't have all the answers either, but he does acknowledge what former champion of deregulation John McCain can't: While there's blame to go around both parties, the economic crisis is the final verdict on the failure of the Bush administration.

And it's all McCain's fault. Look, I'm sure McCain would love to criticize, even badmouth, George Bush, but politics restrains him from doing that, because publicly they are supposed to be on the same side. All politics is stupid.

In this and much else, Mr. McCain is not the steady hand he purports to be, and nothing proves it more than his reckless selection of Sarah Palin, whose lack of knowledge to take over as president has becoming increasingly obvious and embarrassing. If Mr. McCain had chosen one of the many accomplished women in the Republican Party, his candidacy would have the stamp of seriousness. Instead, it bears the superficial imprint of pandering populism.

I do not dispute that McCain has exposed himself as a pandering populist in the campaign. He alters his rhetoric from week to week, trying first to appease the undecideds, then trying to rein in the disaffected right wingers in his own party. Either group would have more respect for him if he could just make up his mind and be consistent.

I wouldn't call the Palin selection "reckless". I like her. She pisses off all the right people. (Or is it all the left people?) I would rather see her running for president than McCain. But the choice came at least four years too early. Oh well -- at least she made Tina Fey the star of SNL again. No one else could have done that!

But this election is not just about the shortcomings of Mr. McCain and Ms. Palin and the failed legacy of a philosophy that they seek to perpetuate under the hastily erected banner of maverick.

At first glance, I thought that said "erected boner of maverick". Now, whenever I see John McCain, I'm going to think "horsecock".

It is about the strengths of Barack Obama, whose rise to prominence is not a fluke or national infatuation but the consequence of his remarkable skills -- a keen intellect, noble intentions and the wit and grace to express them in ways that have inspired millions across the country. He has a rare gift exactly suited to the fearful times -- he knows the language of reassurance and hope.

Like hell it's not a fluke or a national infatuation. People started supporting Obama because of what he represents: He's a break from the past, from politics as usual; he doesn't look like the guys on US currency; his name and family background are different than what we are used to; and he knows how to talk about HOPE and CHANGE. Most importantly, he's a Democrat running at the end of a two-term Republican presidency. A lot of people just want something different. No need to puff him up. Tired of chicken every night? Let's try the beef this time. For most people, that's what it's all about: Not diversity, but variety.

If his were just empty words, this would be just another cheap political gift. But what he says is carefully considered. In the debates and on the hustings, Mr. Obama has been the voice of moderation, combining common sense and compassion on issue after issue. When the subject turns to foreign policy, supposedly Mr. McCain's strong suit, Mr. Obama gives no indication that he will have to learn on the job.

This is a fancy way of saying, "Obama is better at sucking up to the easy marks than McCain".

That the argument about issues has been essentially won by Sen. Obama is plain from the scurrilous attacks now being launched against his character -- increasingly by Ms. Palin -- alleging guilt by association, unpatriotic behavior and worse.

The PG calls that a victory on issues? That exposing Obama's personal history is a sign of defeat for McCain? This should have been talked about months ago. One of McCain's biggest problems is that he is too nice to people who hate him and want him to die. They don't deserve it. Hit 'em fast, and hit 'em hard.

This closing blizzard of slime is another attempt to spread the wizard's curtain further: Don't look at how the economy has impoverished you while a Republican has been in the White House, look at Mr. Obama's passing acquaintance with an old radical who did bad deeds almost 40 years ago, because that is more important.

"Closing blizzard of slime"? Good grief. No wonder so many McCain-Palin supporters resent the media. Like I said above, why be nice to people who hate you and want you to die?

If Obama's earlier associations aren't enough, how about his current bunch of buddies: Joe Biden, Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid, Mayor Daley...a true rogues' gallery if I ever saw one.

Yes, they apparently do think the American people are that stupid.

Are you talking about McCain-Palin or about yourselves? Because I really can't stand being talked down to by the editorial geniuses at the Psychosis-Gazette. Every piece that comes out in the PG insults my intelligence.

On Nov. 4, we believe Americans will heed the better angels of their nature and recognize that the election of the eloquent Barack Obama -- whose story is a quintessentially American one of impossible odds overcome -- will best answer the pressing call of history.

"Better angels" equals voting for Obama? First they call us stupid; now they call us evil. What conclusion can I make after wading through this stream of bull?

Simple: I'm voting for John McCain and Sarah Palin.

The Three Are Down To Two

2008-10-01T13:40:00.002-04:00

Bit of bad news this morning:

WPXI announced yesterday that morning and noon anchor Newlin Archinal's last day at the station will be today.

This sucks! I love the WPXI Morning News. It's the only newscast -- local or national -- that I watch on even a semi-regular basis in the Internet Age. I can get the weather, the traffic, and even a bit of general goings-on as I'm headed out the door to catch my bus. Not only is the information well-presented, but the visuals are fabulous. And when I say "visuals", I mean what I like to think of as The Triumvirate of Beauty: Newlin Archinal, Krista Villarreal, and Trisha Pittman. Those ladies are awesome. They look good, they sound good, and they have good personalities. They carry out their on-air duties without coming off as stiff and serious, or frivolous and silly.

More importantly, considering that television is a visual medium, they are all gorgeous. I love being able to sit down with my breakfast and have those three lovely ladies smiling and talking to me. It makes me wonder how the male member of the morning news team, Bob Bruce, handles it. If I had his job, I would need to take saltpeter before going to work. Lucky bastard.

Alas, The Triumvirate of Beauty is breaking up. This is the worst thing of this kind to happen since Shannen Doherty left Charmed. Fortunately, that show was saved by the addition of Rose McGowan to the cast. WPXI needs someone to do for the Morning News what Rose McGowan did for Charmed. But who could possibly take Newlin's place??

Communists With Crucifixes

2008-09-30T09:03:00.000-04:00

Back in the year 2000, a co-worker of mine proudly displayed two bumper stickers on the back of her car: A Bush-Cheney sticker, and a Pro-Life Woman sticker. She confessed -- if you'll pardon the expression -- that she was a Republican solely because of the abortion issue. If the Democrats would adopt a pro-life stance, she said, she would register and vote as a Democrat. The reason? She was a Roman Catholic, and Democrat policies largely reflected her Catholic values. She was what we call a "single-issue voter". One issue trumped all others for her. A simple sea change would turn her to the other side.

There is a minor debate raging on the pages of the Psychosis-Gazette's Letters to the Editor page. Yesterday, a Catholic voter dismissed Barack Obama as a viable candidate, based on his and his party's position on abortion. This prompted a flurry of responses from outraged Catholics who argue that Barack Obama reflects their "Catholic values" on issues like war, capital punishment, and "social justice".

Normally, I don't pay any attention to Catholic intra-faith squabbles. Whether or not something is "Catholic enough" is totally off my radar -- unless it concerns the governance of my nation. Then I keep both eyes -- and ears -- open.

My belief concerning government is that, if there is a system in place, we ought to follow that system -- unless that system is irrevocably flawed, in which case it's time to hit the proverbial "reset button" and try something different.

I like the Federal system that we have in place. You might call me a constitutional fundamentalist. I believe that the fundamentals of our system are sound, in spite of the fact that politicians have spend over two centuries trying to screw things up. It's still a free country.

After reading the letters from left-wing Catholics, I'm not so sure. The responsible American voter should consider constitutionality when taking stances on the issues of the day. Most voters are not so responsible, and make their choices based on attitudes like, "what's in it for me?" or "how can I help people?" These Catholic correspondents fall into the latter category. It bothers me. They are trying to impose their religious views on the rest of us.

Funny thing is, if a pro-life Catholic (or conservative Christian in general) votes Republican because of abortion, leftists accuse them of trying to impose their religion on others. It makes me wonder -- what part of "Life, Liberty, & the Pursuit of Happiness" do these people not understand?

Every election, there is a great deal of talk about the Catholic vote, as if Roman Catholic adherents constitute a monolithic voting bloc that always goes one way or the other. Truth is more complex. There are plenty of diehard Catholics who are also diehard Republicans. If I were to conduct a survey of my mostly right-of-center blogroll, I expect a majority would turn out to be Catholic. They can be good practicing Catholics without taking a subversive stance on American political issues. They believe that charity means "freely giving to others" and not "we need to pass legislation to soak the taxpayers for more of their income because it's easier than giving away our own money". Catholic Republicans are like the peaceful monks who gained converts by setting a good example of selflessness. Catholic Democrats are like the zealots who converted pagans at the point of a sword, upon pain of death.

Do you want your taxes to go up and government spending to increase because it allegedly "reflects Catholic values"? Or do you prefer the American system of government under which you have the freedom to give as you see fit? Unfortunately, the raging financial crisis may give the advantage to the former.

John McCain Is Human!

2008-09-30T07:33:00.002-04:00

I skipped watching the McCain-Obama debate last week. Anything of value that either candidate might have to say has already been said, just not face-to-face. The only possible reason to sit through one of these debates is the possibility of some unintentional entertainment, like George W. Bush's "Wanna buy some wood?" in 2004. Otherwise, they are snoozefests.

Tony Norman of the Psychosis-Gazette, in a surprisingly non-judgmental post at the paper's new "A Fine Point" blog, tells us that John McCain may have muttered the word "horseshit" in response to a comment by Barack Obama. Naturally, the video clip is all over YouTube.

It sounds to me like McCain is saying, "Of course, of course", but I wish he really had said "horseshit". Politicians in general are not straightforward enough with their language. If they think that something before them is horseshit or bullshit, let them say so. I personally know of two undecided voters in the year 2000 who declared for Bush when he called some journalist a "major league asshole". People appreciate that kind of openness from their representatives.

John McCain needs to call horseshit when he sees it. That's the Straight Talk Express on which I am wholeheartedly on board.

The Letters To The Editor, They Hurt My Brain

2008-09-25T09:05:00.000-04:00

Usually I read the Moron Mail at the Psychosis-Gazette web site just to scoff at the asininity of 90% of the letters that the paper publishes. This morning's letter writers are striking back at me with a vengeance. Like this one:

Indeed, the proposed bailout is more like an entitled demand, as befits these Masters of the Universe, as they huddle in the Hamptons while they send their well-shod lobbyists to Congress...

I am seriously screwed, for I shall have this song stuck in my head for the rest of the day:

To say nothing of the mental image of those CEOs hanging out at the pool in fur bikini and blond Pete Rose wigs. Then there's this one:

If ever an administration has forfeited all rights to our trust in its judgment, it is this one.

This administration, of course, being...what? Whose administration? Rendell's? Onorato's? Ravenstahl's? Your local school district's? When you read the rest of the letter, it becomes clear that the administration in question is the George W. Bush administration. But the writer never mentions the name Bush or the office of the President. Does this twit suffer from such a severe case of BDS that she can not bring herself to say PRESIDENT BUSH, as if it were some sort of swear word? People do that in person, too. Whenever some lefty twerp starts mouthing off about "this administration", I want to chop them across the throat. ANYTHING to get this to shut up.

Then:

John McCain is trying to distance himself from the Republican Party. I think that it is time for all Americans to distance themselves from the Republican Party.

By voting for John McCain? Brilliant!

Idiot number 4:

We do not need to invade countries and fight at the drop of a hat like Mr. (John Wayne) Bush seems to think.

Yes, because he just went right into Afghanistan, Iraq, and all of those other countries without checking with Congress or the United Nations. Wait -- what other countries? And he DID go to Congress and the UN for support. Jeez, the PG will print anyone's garbage as long as it agrees with the editors' viewpoints, validity be damned!

This one donated money to Kerry in 2004 and Obama in 2008, so he has a financial stake in the election results:

I'm a Democrat and I pray every day for my country. I pray to God that Republicans will wake up to the destructive powers that they have unleashed upon our country and this planet.

See, this is why I am not a "religious right" type of person. I don't go around blathering and boasting about prayer. It sounds goofy when someone on our side says it, and it sounds goofy
when someone on their side says it. My spiritual meanderings are best kept personal and private. On the other hand, this guy makes me feel like the Dark Lord of the Sith, which is kind of cool. I've always wanted to shoot lightning from my hands.

Sometimes they scream out their rage at previous letter writers:

Mr. C tries to portray diplomacy as improper behavior that only Democrats engage in, when, in fact, Condoleezza Rice was recently on a diplomatic mission to Libya to meet with Moammar Gadhafi. Libya was responsible for 1998 Pan Am 103 bombing over Lockerbie, Scotland, which some consider quite radical.

I will be looking forward to her next angry letter a few months from now, when (hypothetically) President Obama meets with Ahmadinejad, who was part of the gang that took Americans hostage back in 1979. Some consider that to be quite radical, too.

We hear from a proud feminist, too:

Sarah Palin is being hailed by the GOP as the perfect example of the successful conservative working mother. Yet there's something creepy about the GOP's latest ploy to lure women voters. Hiding your pregnancy from co-workers, friends and close family? Returning to work three days after giving birth? What kind of family values are these?

Yeah! Right on! Why didn't the Governor of Alaska tell everyone how her husband thrust his member inside of her and filled her with babies? Huh??? Why not? Oh, maybe because IT'S NO ONE ELSE'S BUSINESS! It didn't significantly affect her job, and she has a husband (and older children) who can perform child care duties. My wife and I both work. We have five kids, too. After the first couple of births, the novelty wears off and it's no longer "the great unknown". My wife was ready to go back to work -- mentally as well as physically -- sooner after the last couple of kids were born. I see nothing wrong with Sarah Palin resuming her duties three days after Trig's birth. The same letter writer complains that Governor Palin is "turning back the clock" on the "women's movement". Bullshit. She is the epitome of the modern working mother. I see it at home every day.

Another correspondent chimes in on Palin:

...it greatly disappoints me that Sarah Palin will gain votes for Sen. McCain simply because of her gender.

Now this disappoints me, too. No, not the thing about people voting for Sarah just because she is a woman. I'm going to vote for her because she has reasonably good conservative credentials, and because she has more in common with America at large than any other candidate in the national race this year, except maybe for Ron Paul. What disappoints me about this clipping is his incorrect use of the term "gender". Gender is a grammatical term, referring to things like pronouns (he/she/it). What this guy needs is SEX. In place of the word "gender", I mean. SEX has come to be treated like a dirty word, because it is most frequently used as a shortened form of "sexual intercourse". Don't be afraid of SEX. Dig?

That feels better. SEX has made my headache go away.

Reg Hatred

2008-09-11T08:11:00.000-04:00

A guy who publishes a weekly hate-filled screed in the Pittsburgh Psychosis-Gazette and tries to pass it off as a "humor column" naturally attracts some degree of criticism. I'm not talking about people who post in a blog that no one reads (like this one). I'm talking about people who directly correspond with him. Why? I have never felt compelled to communicate with a journalist. Those people are nuts. A few years ago I wrote a post in which I criticized one of Sir Reginald's colleagues, a man whom I have never referred to in this blog before or since. The old sod sent me an email accusing me of being paranoid about black helicopters. I had said nothing from which he could possibly infer such an assumption. He was simply being a crank. And we should trust these people to tell us what is going on in the world...why, exactly?

Sir Reginald is a little better. At least when he sends a snippy, insulting email to a critic, he tries to sound gentlemanly, albeit rather elitist. Nevertheless, he is still a shill for the Democrats. His last couple of columns fit nicely in place with the left-wing media's major offensive against Sarah Palin. Reg is just a drop of water in a big pool of hatred. He is so comfortable with hate, that he doesn't even know that he hates. Instead, just about anyone who takes issue with his screeds is a hater.

He excerpted some of this "hate" in his latest blog post -- yes, he has a blog called "Reg On Wry", on the PG's web site, though it ought to be called "Reg? Oh, Why!". He prefaces the post with his feelings about the folks who write to complain about his drivel, using a whole slew of negative adjectives: "vile", "abusive", "bilious", "hate-filled", "cowardly", "bitter", "humorless", "ugly", and, as a grand finale, "intolerant, abusive, irrational, juvenile, explosive and not amenable to reason". Oh, and apparently we all take our cues from Rush Limbaugh and talk radio. Thank you, Reg Hatred, for letting us know just what you really think of those who disagree with you.

Reg cleverly proceeds with a comment from a critic who, unfortunately, uses a racist slur to refer to Barack Obama, thus establishing (in the minds of his target audience) that the rest of us who take exception to Sir Reginald's livelihood must be EXACTLY LIKE THE RACIST IN EVERY WAY! Bastard. The rest of the comments were much more temperate and, of course, accurate in every way (with my comments in boldface):

You are pathetic. (Yep, he sure is) There was not one thing insightful in your article. (There never has been) There was only cynicism. (Reg us capable of nothing else)

If you want to criticize someone, there should be some meat and not merely snide remarks. (Right, that's an unpaid blogger's job)

And:
You’re an idiot, and one of the many reasons I no longer read the Post-Gazette. (By "read", he probably means "pay to read")
Then:
You sir are a total ass. (Crudely put, but factually accurate)
The last two are somewhat longer, but basically turn Reg's attitude back on him. Reg bemoans the apparent fact that his correspondents are voting for the McCain-Palin ticket. You know what? If Reg Hatred's writings bring more McCain-Palin supporters out of the woodwork and into the voting booth, then I say: Write, Reg, write!

Did The Devil Make Them Do It?

2008-09-09T08:00:00.000-04:00

Tony Norman, longtime editor and columnist (and former music critic) for the Psychosis-Gazette writes today about the newest controversy in this year's political campaigns: Republican politicians using the music of left-wing musicians at public appearances. This has been an issue in past campaigns as well, and it never ceases to amaze me that no one seems to learn from these incidents. Why does the Republican Party court controversy by pissing off jerks like the Wilson sisters or John Mellencamp by playing their songs? Why do the musicians risk alienating the Republican portion of their fan base by making public declarations of outrage? It seems to me that no one comes off as a winner in this sort of scuffle, though the fault would seem to lie with the McCain campaign for raising hackles in the first place.

There is something that I am wondering about. Back in the 1990s, Rush Limbaugh told a story about how his show had recently been contacted by a band that I had never heard of (before or since) called The Bottle Rockets. The band objected to his use of one of their songs as bumper music. Rush responded that he liked the song, he would continue to play it, and that he had the right to play it because his station/network/whatever had paid the requisite fees to ASCAP, so therefore The Bottle Rockets were duly compensated for use of their music. The band continued to complain but Rush Limbaugh was legally in the right. So how does this work with political campaigns?

Do the Democrat and Republican parties have to pay ASCAP before playing this music at public rallies? Do the same laws that apply to radio broadcasts of music apply here? If so, then they would be free to play all of the Heart, Van Halen, Jackson Browne, Mellencamp, Springsteen, etc. that they want. But it would still be a stupid thing to do.

Speaking of stupid things, I am a little disappointed in Tony Norman. While I seldom agree with any of his views, Tony writes one of the more intelligible columns in the PG. Today, however, he slips dangerously close to Reg Henry-level stupidity with this assertion:

It looks like the staples of FM radio are in full revolt against the opportunism of the Republicans. For a party that used to believe that rock 'n' roll was of the Devil, they've been doing a lot of thievin' lately.

When was "rock 'n' roll is the Devil's music!" ever part of the Republican Party platform? Did I miss something? When has the party -- either party, for that matter -- taken an official stand on the supposed theological nature of a musical genre? I'd like to see something backing up that allegation. Isolated statements by rednecks and religious fanatics don't count. I feel like I've been slandered, and I want PROOF.

It's Good To Know I'm Not Alone

2008-09-05T15:14:00.003-04:00

Someone else recognizes Sir Reginald for what he is. I am envious.

The Heir Apparent

2008-09-04T14:53:00.000-04:00

I have a theory. You may not agree with it; in fact, you might question my state of mind after I tell it to you. My theory is very simple and, really, apropos of nothing. It's just that I have noticed a certain trend over the last sixty years concerning the of these United States of America. You ready? Here goes:

The candidate whose last name is two syllables and ends with the letter "n" is a shoo-in to get elected President.

Nutty? Let's look at the history of two-syllable "-n" :

Jackson, Andrew -- Nothing really remarkable here, insofar as he was the only president in the first fourscore years of the Republic to whom my theory applies. Besides, in those pre-mass media days, people has longer attention spans and preferred men whose names had three syllables and ended in "n": Washington, Jefferson, Madison, Van Buren, Harrison Buchanan.
Lincoln, Abraham -- Bad mojo -- he was assassinated.
Johnson, Andrew -- A lot of people might have wanted him killed, but they impeached him instead. A couple of decades later, there would be another three syllable "-n" president, another Harrison, but that was the last gasp for that lot.
Wilson, Woodrow -- Had a stroke while in office. Also, never trust a candidate who runs on a platform of keeping the country out of war. It comes back to haunt you. But hey, at least we won the damn thing!
Truman, Harry -- The Great Depression and World War II changed everything. Up to this point, "-n" presidents were few and far between, and often hard luck cases. Truman took over when a popular chief executive died in office, literally dropped A bomb, and won the war before being elected in his own right, despite the headlines of the day. Finally, lasting success!
Johnson, Lyndon -- Civil rights, Great Society, Vietnam...whether you agreed with him or not, LBJ could get things done.
Nixon, Richard -- Nixon had his chance in 1960 but couldn't compete with Democrat machine politics. 1968 was another story. President Johnson dropped out of the race early, thereby avoiding a tense "-n" vs. "-n" showdown. Humphrey might have done better if his name had been Humphren.
Reagan, Ronald -- The shame of Watergate might have done away with "-n" presidents forever, if not for the ineptitude of Ford and Carter. We needed an "-n" in 1980, and we got it. Reagan was only the third of the first eight "-n"s to be elected twice and serve two full terms. Most of the others either died in office, took over for someone who died, or resigned in disgrace. Reagan brought dignity back to the "-n"s.
Clinton, Bill -- It was inevitable that Bush 41 would lose when faced with an opponent who adhered to the rule of "-n". Like Reagan, Clinton served a full eight years and became synonymous with a decade in American history.

So where are the "-n" for the 21st century? Hillary Clinton would have been obvious had she secured the nomination. Obama certainly doesn't fit. I don't count McCain because there is really only one vowel sound in his surname. So let's look at the Vice-Presidential candidates.

Biden and Palin. It's a toss-up! Obama is a fairly young man and not likely to kick the bucket anytime soon. If the Democrat ticket gets elected, Joe Biden should get used to being VP for a long while. On the other hand, some people (I don't know who they are, but you can look them up on the Internet) think that a President McCain will die in office because he is OLD. If such a tragedy were to occur, we would have yet another "-n" theory president. Since the odds are more in favor of McCain dying in office than Obama, I predict that McCain-Palin are the likely winners of the election. Remember that it was quote common for a newly deceased president to be succeeded by a "-n" vice-president.

Jackson. Lincoln. Johnson. Wilson. Truman. Johnson. Nixon. Reagan. Clinton. And Palin.

Sarah Palin, future President of the United States of America.

Another thing about these "-n" names: Back in 1996, Stone Cold Steve Austin became the most popular wrestler in the history of sports entertainment when he uttered the phrase: "Austin 3:16 says I just kicked your ass!" I pointed out to some of my then-co-workers that any name with two syllables ending in "n" could replace the name "Austin", but the phrase would have to be customized in order to fit the named individual. For instance, there was a guy named Owen who shelved things, so naturally "Owen 3:16 says I just shelved your ass!" Even better was a lady named Ellen, who was responsible for dictionaries and other reference books: "Ellen 3:16 says I just look up your ass!" And so on.

So you could come up with 3:16s for any of the above listed presidents. Be creative. I have one for Sarah Palin, who is now the world's most famous moose hunter. She stands above a mortally wounded moose, looks it straight in the eye, and yells "Palin 3:16 says I just capped your ass!"

Maybe we should save that one until after she wins the election.

Moron Mail

2008-09-03T09:30:00.000-04:00

As if the jerks who get paid to write for the Psychosis-Gazette aren't bad enough, check out the idiots who write to the paper in hopes of seeing their words published on the editorial page.

From Monroeville:

In selecting Sarah Palin to be his running mate, does John McCain think he can sway some of the pro-Hillary voters to his ticket?

John McCain selected Sarah Palin as his running mate because she can attract Hillary voters to the Republican side? That's news to me -- I must have missed the memo. Oh, that's right! I didn't get the memo because I'm not a Democrat! Only a Democrat would be stupid or evil enough to propagate the lie that Sarah Palin is supposed to make Hillary people vote Republican. Naturally, the liars are Psychosis-Gazette subscribers.

From Churchill:

The Republican attempt at winning the votes of disappointed Hillary supporters is an insult to the female electorate. Those Hillary supporters who would vote for the McCain-Palin ticket because of that selection diminish Mrs. Clinton's candidacy and the aspirations of woman who aspire to elected office based on their qualifications and not their gender.

Supposedly, this is a different moron than the first letter writer. The BIG LIE memo is certainly making the rounds in the eastern suburbs.

What does Swisshelm Park say?

And, by the way, John McCain, if you think that you can condescend to us female voters by placing Sarah Palin's name on the ballot, you are sadly mistaken. She is nowhere near qualified to be vice president and is nowhere near as qualified as Hillary Clinton to help run this country.

The hate is palpable, and matched only by the correspondents' obtuseness. Allow me to make something clear:

SARAH PALIN WAS NOT CHOSEN AS MCCAIN'S RUNNING MATE BECAUSE OF HILLARY CLINTON! SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HILLARY CLINTON! SARAH PALIN IS A CONSERVATIVE! SHE WAS CHOSEN TO WIN BACK DISAFFECTED REPUBLICANS! And guess what -- IT'S WORKING! SO STOP WITH THE STUPID HILLARY BULLSHIT AND PAY SOME FUCKING ATTENTION, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

I could also shout something about having these dorks hit themselves over the head with hammers, but of course they would never do that -- unless the order came in the form of a memo from DNC headquarters.

HATE Is His Watchword

2008-09-03T08:30:00.000-04:00

Today is a good day for anyone who is trying to house train a puppy, because it's Wednesday, and that means another inane Reg Henry column for Fido to poop on. Sir Reginald is giddy with glee! The emergence of Sarah Palin on the national scene has given him someone new to hate. It has also given him a new opportunity to demonstrate his ignorance.

No investigative journalist he. Reg makes a number of assumptions about Palin's moose hunting activities that makes me wonder whether everything he knows about moose he learned from watching Captain Kangaroo. I have never encountered a moose myself, but I know people who have. Moose mothers are some of the most protective mothers around, and will not hesitate to charge a human in the vicinity of their babies. They are dangerous animals to encounter under any circumstances. All one needs to do is google the keywords "moose" and "dangerous" to learn what a challenge it is to hunt the antlered giants. Actually trying to learn something about the subject, however, would cripple Reg's already lame attempt at humor.

He then goes on to mock the names of Governor Palin's children, and her hairstyle. Now that is some substantive writing!

And this:

Fortunately, the presumptuous vice president has family values. In fact, with her sort of far-right values, she could be Genghis Khan's sister.

If Reg's credibility wasn't already shot, I would say he lost it with the "Genghis Khan" remark. This is the sort of anachronistic nonsense that lowers the level of political debate in this country, to say nothing of diminishing journalistic standards. There was no concept of political "wings" in the 12th century. Leftists think it's funny to make such comparisons, though, so they keep on doing it.

Finally, Reg gets to the point: Palin is inexperienced. After all of the "mooseburger" blathering, he concludes that Sarah Palin is just as inexperienced, if not more so, than Barack Obama, and that makes her unfit to be the backup for the highest office in the land.

His conclusion?

Now his critics are reduced to not liking him because he doesn't shoot moose. This may not be progress but it is some wild and crazy fun.

Reg has a single theory to explain everything: Obama's opponents oppose him because he is inexperienced! If that doesn't last, they'll come up with some other reason to dislike him!

Does it not occur to him that there are myriad reasons that not everyone lines up to fellate the Obamessiah? It's like the issues don't exist, or McCain and Obama are so similar that there has to be some superficial reason to prefer one to the other.

Typical. Never expect substance from Reg Henry -- or from any other Psychosis-Gazette writer.

Stephen Maloney Rules The World

2008-09-02T09:10:00.003-04:00

Friday afternoon, I was at the dentist getting my teeth cleaned when the hygienist asked, "So what do you think of John McCain's surprise pick?" I had been at work all day and hadn't heard the news. She informed me that the Governor of Alaska was now McCain's running mate.

"Surprise pick?", I wondered. That's all I would hear in the media for the next day or so. "Surprise pick". I have been hearing it enough that I figure the mainstream media must have received some sort of DNC memo ordering them to use that catch phrase.

John McCain's VP selection is no surprise to anyone who is familiar with Professor Stephen Maloney, proprietor of several blogs on current political campaigns. He knew who Sarah Palin was months ago. Anyone who reads Steve Maloney was anything but surprised by the Friday announcement.

Never doubt the man. Whatever he says, goes.

For the record, I agreed with him that Sarah Palin would make a good addition to a national ticket. I just never expected it to happen this year.

Steve is shining like gold this week.

Reimagining The English Language

2008-08-25T08:42:00.000-04:00

From the same article that I cited in my last post, we find this quote:

"Barack Obama is a liberal with respect to three core concerns," said [some Sociology professor]. "He's for phasing out our involvement in Iraq and not repeating the calamitous error of preventative war. He supports moving toward universal health care. And he's committed to investments in sustainable fuel and pulling back from oil dependency."

This is one of my biggest problems with political rhetoric for the last 100 years or so. "Liberal" has become a dirty word in politics due to its misappropriation by leftists. "Liberal" derives from "liberty", so someone who is a "liberal" should be someone who advocates freedom. Let's take a look at the alleged liberalism of Obama's "three core concerns" as described above.

First, opposition to "involvement in Iraq" and to "preventative war" in general. This one is arguable. Going into Iraq was not an absolute must. Neither was going into Afghanistan. Hell, you could say that we shouldn't have gone to Japan during World War II. We did all of these things because there were compelling arguments to do so. Would a true "liberal" support the continuation of Saddam Hussein's regime? No.

Second is "moving toward universal health care". This would be a system of government coercion. Can you opt out of paying your taxes that go to supporting socialized medicine? If the answer is no, then this is not a liberal policy.

The third and final concern is energy policy. Self-described "liberals" demand that we never tap another well, never build another refinery, never explore domestic sources of oil that will keep our cars running while new technologies are still in development. How do they put these demands into effect? By making them the law. In other words, more government coercion.

A political viewpoint that tells us government can make things better by passing more restrictive laws is not liberal. I wouldn't mind if more of these leftists would call themselves progressives or socialists (I prefer "commies"), but they have been repeating the Big Lie that they are "liberal" for so long that they have come to believe it.

And they have the audacity to call themselves "The reality-based community"?

Because I'm Small-Minded

2008-08-25T08:16:00.002-04:00

There is something special planned for the Democrat convention tonight:

To be sure, that great liberal lion of the U.S. Senate, Edward M. Kennedy, will be honored at tonight's opening session in a video tribute directed by documentarian Ken Burns.

You know, I have never watched anything made by Ken Burns, and I never will.

I Overspent On Vacation, And I Need Cash Now

2008-08-25T07:52:00.002-04:00

Recently I took a three week trip to the west coast. For the most part, I was a charity case: Relatives put the family up in a guest house for the entire stay, and gave us the airplane tickets as a gift. I paid for a 21 day car rental (a PRIUS, baby! ha ha!), some groceries and dining out, souvenirs, and a few other minor expenses. Three weeks of minor expenses turns into one big expense when the credit card bill arrives. Suddenly, my big tax refund looks like small change. And my sizable stimulus package from earlier in the summer? Like it never existed. Vacation is expensive, even when someone else is footing the bill for you. Bottom line: I need cash now!

Fortunately, I learned from watching one very entertaining television commercial about 50 times a day that I just need to call a toll free telephone number and I can GET CASH NOW!

There is one slight problem: I do not have an annuity, structured settlement, or any kind of long term payments. If I call JG Wentworth, he will hang up the phone and laugh at me -- not necessarily in that order.

Still, even if he can't help me with my expenses, I can still sing along with his commercial -- even if I'm alone in my car, fifty miles from the nearest television set. Because the song is just that catchy.

OK, I'm Back

2008-08-18T07:07:00.002-04:00

Most of the past month I have been far from home on a nice long vacation. I took an even longer vacation from blogging, and I haven't looked at my stats for far too long.

It's nice to come back and see that I am THE search result for an area of very particular interest. Thanks, Google.

A Boring Day In Downtown Pittsburgh

2008-07-11T08:49:00.002-04:00

Stupid biased media, misrepresenting the facts in order to make evil shine. From the Psychosis-Gazette:

At 7:46 p.m. yesterday the concrete wall below Stanwix Street began to crumble, then quickly burst, black earth and slurry streaming down into the pit.

Several dozen construction workers perched above the hole let out a cheer as the metal teeth of a 500-ton tunnel boring machine saw daylight for the first time since January, when it began its journey from a hole next to PNC Park.

And with that, the German-made machine completed one half of a tunnel under the Allegheny River, a $435 million project that eventually will bring light rail service to the North Shore.

Don't fall for the spin! That was no cheer that people heard. See this video for the real story:

The First Cylon Was Created On Earth

2008-07-08T07:34:00.002-04:00

They were created by man:

Once the world's most famous robot, a 7-foot aluminum man that smoked cigarettes, called people "toots" and appeared on the silver screen with a legendary showgirl somehow slipped into obscurity.

If they built this thing today, they would hand a gold chain around his neck, give him a Jersey accent, and name him "Guido". As it happens, he was called "Elektro". And he must have had an electric libido:

In 1960, Elektro starred as "Sam Thinko" in the film "Sex Kittens Go To College," alongside B-movie bombshell Mamie Van Doren, a bevy of topless dancers and a trained chimp.

Never heard of that movie before, but it has it all the right ingredients to qualify it as one of the greatest films of all time, as evidenced by the trailer:

A Guido robot, a sexually aroused monkey, hot delicious blonds, and horny Uncle Fester? That just screams "Winner!".

Toss in Conway Twitty, however, and it all goes flaccid. Conway Twitty? For crying out loud!

Perhaps one of those scientists in the movie got the idea to cross Mamie Van Doren with Elektro to create the Number Six model of Cylon. That makes perfect sense, in a suspension of disbelief, mixing of fictional realities kind of way.

The Big Kahuna Dangles, Hangs High

2008-07-08T07:21:00.002-04:00

Oh yeah baby.

Sorry -- I meant to refer to this. Not having experienced it myself, I can't say whether it would be exciting or terrifying. Probably both. The initial shock would shake me up a bit, but after a minute or so, I'd be chilling and getting a thrill from the blood rushing to my head. And then lapsing into apathy when the numbness set in.

The closest to this that has happened to me was back around 1991 at King's Island near Cincinnati. The coaster (not an upside down one) braked when we were at the highest peak on the tracks. It would not have been bad were it not for the oncoming storm. Nothing like being stuck on metal high above the ground when lighting is imminent.

In fact, I have never been able to cross the Ohio-Pennsylvania border without encountering heavy rain and lightning. Why is that? At least my car never got stuck upside down. Facing backwards, however...

Adama Is A Cylon

2008-07-01T15:08:00.000-04:00

WARNING: This post is speculation, but may get a little spoilery down below. You have been warned.

The identity of the Final Cylon on Battlestar Galactica has been keeping me awake at night. Well, not really, but I have stayed up late a few times just scanning the blogs to see what the rest of the online BSG fanbase has to say about Galactica's journey to Earth and the missing piece of the LastSupper puzzle . I'm not sure that I care all that much about the irradiated planet that the fleet has found and identified as Earth. I'm more interested in that thirteenth seat at the table. I have gotten so interested, in fact, that I believe I have figured out who the missing person/Cylon is...or perhaps I should say, who they are.

The clues have been there all along, though some things were kept obscure until fairly recently. And based on the revealed spoilers for the upcoming Caprica series, the Cylons' origin fits in nicely with my theory.

I believe that, as Leoben Conoy told Laura Roslin back in Season One, "Adama is a Cylon". I do not, however, believe that the Adama in question is Bill. Or Lee. Or Lee's estranged wife, Dee. Or even Lee's dead brother, Zak.

The only remaining unrevealed Cylon, the last of the Final Five, is Bill's father, Joseph Adama. AND Romo Lampkin -- because they are both the same man. How so?

Consider what we know about the allegedly deceased father of Admiral Adama from the BSG series. He was a lawyer who lived on Caprica. He was a good father to his son. He specialized in civil rights law and worked primarily as a defense attorney. He had a good grasp of human nature.

And he had a protege by the name of Romo Lampkin.

Lampkin's background is sketchy. He suffered tragic loss throughout his life: first his parents, when he was a child; then, years later, his wife and daughters during the Cylon attack on the colony Gemenon. He still has his wife's cat, Lance, when he signs on as Baltar's lawyer. And he seems very interested in Lee Adama, in an almost fatherly way.

Or grandfatherly.

He also has visions of Head Lance after the cat has been killed, much like Baltar's Head Six or Caprica Six's Head Baltar, or Starbuck's Head Leoben. This seems to happen a lot to Cylons, or people who spend too much time with Cylons.

(SPOILER ALERT) Early reports about the Caprica pilot reveal that Joseph Adama was around when the Cylons were created. (It was my understanding that Cylons had been around for much longer; perhaps they were originally simple robots, but were improved and upgraded when AI technology became viable for use in everyday machines.) Adama lost his wife and daughter (Tamara) in a suicide bombing carried out by a monotheistic terrorist group. Daniel Greystone, the creator of sentient machines, downloaded both Adama's daughter's personality as well as his own daughter's, who was also killed in the attack, into robots -- the first Cylons. This apparently makes Joseph Adama freak out. (I don't blame him, if her new body looked like a walking toaster and said "By your command, Daddy" in a buzzy mechanical voice.) Thus would the creations that would eventually become Humanoid Cylons receive their original personalities. There is also one other whose personality was electronically downloaded. Should Caprica continue for any length of time, we may learn more about downloadable people and how the skin jobs got started.

An interesting fact about Joseph Adama is his off-world origins. He immigrated from Tauron and changed his name so everyone would think he was Caprican. Just the sort of thing a skin job would do.

Unless I missed something, there has been no mention in the series of how or when Joseph Adama died (if there is, then my theory is shot). If he was around at the creation of the Cylons, he may have found a way to download his personality into a new body when he was at or near death. Or into a machine, until a body (Romo Lampkin!) could be made. He could then keep tabs on both his son Bill and his daughter Tamara as they grow and develop. The same technology that saved his daughter could also save him.

Recall the scene in "The Son Also Rises" where Lampkin interviews Caprica Six in her prison cell:

Lampkin continues with his next question, "Well, because of this evolutionary move, fashioning Cylons to be capable of experiencing it. I don't know if it was engineered as a tactical imperative, but ...It's not for the faint hearted, is it?" Caprica Six agrees with her reply, "No, its not." Then,Lampkin asks,"Maybe, you should have been nicer to your mechanic?" Caprica Six doesn't say anything, trying to avoid the question, thenLampkin continues, "Well, perhaps Cylon love, is not the same as human love? Perhaps, it's designed to hurt a little less?" Caprica Six is resentful with her reply, "How would you know?"Lampkin replies, "I loved a woman ...beautiful, beautiful woman ...,but so serious. This frowning face, trapped in the middle of a daze. She had a way of walking ...procession, as if she ran away to her own execution. ...Yet, ten years and it fell apart under it's own weight." Caprica Six is moved by his words and asks, "Is that what you wanted?"Lampkin replies, "I thought, that if I could get over her, I could get over anything. Come on, be a man ...stand up to any and all kind of punishment. I clung to an empty spinning bed for months ...and that ...that was when I, finally, realized how much I loved her. If I needed all that strength? WHAT was the point? I needed to be with her."

Is the father is talking to the daughter about her mother? ("Oh, and how are things between you and that boyfriend of yours?") He seems awfully interested in Cylon origins, though he was ostensibly there to talk about Baltar. That was a curious tangent...unless there was deeper meaning.

Romo Lampkin had stated that he hated Joseph Adama, but also respected him because he learned everything about the law from him. Or had everything from Adama's brain downloaded into him. Self-hatred is a pretty common trait on BSG, too, so Lampkin's hatred of Adama fits right in.

Let us consider the words of the First Hybrid from the Guardian basestar in Razor:

At last, they’ve come for me. I feel their lives, their destinies spilling out before me. The denial of the one true path, played out on a world not their own, will end soon enough. Soon there will be four, glorious in awakening, struggling with the knowledge of their true selves. The pain of revelation bringing new clarity and in the midst of confusion, he will find her. Enemies brought together by impossible longing. Enemies now joined as one. The way forward at once unthinkable, yet inevitable. And the fifth, still in shadow, will claw toward the light, hungering for redemption that will only come in the howl of terrible suffering. I can see them all. The seven, now six^[4], self-described machines who believe themselves without sin. But in time, it is sin that will consume them. They will know enmity, bitterness, the wrenching agony of one splintering into many. And then, they will join the promised land, gathered on the wings of an angel. Not an end, but a beginning.

He/it is talking about the union of the rag tag fleet and the rebel basestar that finds Earth in "Revelations" after the four hidden Cylons revealed themselves. The "fifth, still in shadow" is Lampkin/Adama. Speculation: He feels guilty for having his daughter downloaded into a robot body. She and her colleagues resent what has been done to them, leading to the First Cylon War. The human race suffers because of him. Romo Lampkin, trying to make amends (redemption), gradually reintroduces himself to the Adama family by pretending to be an old associate of Joseph Adama. He is in shadow because of his new body: No one can recognize him as Joseph Adama.

And now for a word about skin jobs. The original versions of these Cylons were apparently based on actual human personalities. Number Six, as I implied above, would seem to be Tamara Adama. Six once told Baltar that the Seven were programmed not to think of the Five. Was Daniel Greystone responsible for this programming? Did he want to hide the skin jobs' origins from themselves? Hopefully we'll get to see that covered in Caprica.

Note also how loyal Saul Tigh is to Bill Adama, even after he finds out that he's a Cylon. He must have been placed close to Adama for a reason, perhaps to protect him. Was this Joseph's way of looking out for his boy?

Finally, there is D'Anna's knowledge of the Final Five. She saw five faces, yet she told everyone that four were in the fleet. What about the fifth? Did she know him/her to be dead? Or did she just not recognize that one? She might have known the face of Romo Lampkin, who presumably lived on New Caprica during the occupation. She would not have known the face of Joseph Adama, if he had downloaded into a body with a different physical appearance. Everything fits.

I rest my case.

The End Of Politics

2008-07-01T07:55:00.002-04:00

No, I haven't been blogging about politics, or much of anything, lately. The blogging method of fisking by excerpting and commenting on news articles and op-ed pieces is pretty much spent as far as I am concerned. There has to be a better way to get my point across.

Most of us are familiar with the method of laying newspapers around the floor to house train a puppy dog. I might try blogging that way. Since I don't want to waste a penny of my money on print media, I could print out an editorial, say, this one from the Psychosis-Gazette the other day, and lay the print out on the floor. (Alternatively, I could do this with pictures of Reg Henry from the P-G site, but I wouldn't want to desecrate the image of his nice shiny head.) Then, I would drop my pants, crouch down over the screed, and defecate upon the printed word. A still camera mounted nearby would photograph each step of the action, and I could then download the images to my computer for some fun photoblogging.

Yeah, I could do that. But my shit is a private matter, and I don't want pictures of it going out over the Internet, even if it's in a good cause. So you'll just have to dream.

Meanwhile, the major party presidential candidates will continue to bore us to death by being nice to one another when what we really need in this campaign is some good old-fashioned vitriol.

Buzzing Off

2008-06-26T14:40:00.001-04:00

Basically, we're all doomed. But who will be the first to go?

By "we", I mean humans. The bees will have already vacated this Earth ahead of us -- if you believe everything that you've been hearing about the disappearing bees.

I first heard about this a couple of years ago. News reports informed us that entire colonies of bees are dying out. And not just dying out in the normal way; the critters are just vanishing, leaving no little bee corpses to be found in the hives. Strange story, I thought. But the implications are serious; the ecosystem depends a great deal on bee pollination. Without bees, a significant portion of our food source is gone.

However, the disappearing bees constituted a "slow news day" type of story, and I forgot about it. A few months ago, I saw Jerry Seinfeld's Bee Movie, in which bees stopped pollinating, and nearly starved humanity. At the time, I didn't see the connection -- Oh, look! It's a little bee who talks like Seinfeld! How cute! -- but now it's blatantly obvious.

A couple of times this year, characters in Doctor Who made references to vanishing bees. That's what sparked my memory. If the concept has ingrained itself into popular culture, then people are still worried about it. So I decided to do some 10-minute Internet research.

There are an unbelievable number of videos on YouTube covering the disappearing bee phenomenon. You could waste a day looking at them. I did not. I settled for this remarkably rational one:

Thank God for the skeptics, that's what I say. I look at the bee problem the same way I do at global warming and climate change: I don't deny that something is happening, but at the same time, I don't buy the propaganda disguised as conventional wisdom from those who refuse to apply rational thought to the matter.

If we can save the bees, great. If the bees go, we will adapt. It's our nature.

The Secret To His Success

2008-06-19T10:05:00.002-04:00

I'd like to try the Superstar Billy Graham diet. Who knew those things were so nutritious?

We Live On a Radioactive Ball Of Mud

2008-06-19T08:42:00.000-04:00

At least, that's the impression I had when I saw last week's mid-season cliffhanger on Battlestar Galactica. I spent some of my free time over the weekend digesting what various blogs had to say about the shock ending. As painful as it is, knowing that I will have to wait another half-year for the final half-season, I am impressed with the way so many things were wrapped up...while many other things were left open to question. Everyone knows who the secret four Cylons are. D'Anna's faction has made peace with the humans. Bill and Laura are in love (awwww). Lee Adama finally found his calling. And the fleet finally reached the end of its journey and found the home of the long-lost thirteenth colony: Earth.

Or did it?

The 'net is rife with arguments over whether the irradiated wasteland is actually our Earth, and if it is, whether the final scene takes place in New York City. The best suggestion that I have read thus far is that the Colonial-Cylon landing party has set foot on Ellis Island. Perfect! Illegal immigrants from space, and no one to stop them from entering the country. I can't wait until next week to find out what's going to happen.

Too bad "next week" is over six months away. I hope the creators can keep up the pace that was set in the last two episodes. The show, while rightly acknowledged by critics and fans as one of the best ever, has been predictably inconsistent in each season thus far. It starts off strong...then gets better. Around mid-season (or mid-half-season) things slow to a near stop with one or two episodes that are thoroughly boring and do nothing to advance any story arcs. Then it picks up again, and ends on a cliffhanger that has viewers talking for months afterwards.

The show's biggest other problem is one that it shares with the original 1978 series: The more we see of the Cylons, the better. The show's premise was that a group of human refugees are fleeing from the Cylon Empire. When Count Iblis showed up, "delivered" Baltar to the Galactica, and got the Cylon's off of the fleet's tail, the old show went downhill. It lost its purpose, and by the time the Cylons re-appeared, the show had already been canceled. The new show has not made the same mistake, mainly because most story arcs are tied up in the Cylon-Human conflict at some level, but there have been shows that took place almost exclusively in the fleet. Zzzzzzzz.
Things happened when we saw the Cylons on Caprica during the first and second seasons. Scenes that took place on base ships moved the story along. The Year Without Cylons on New Caprica was passed over in about two minutes. Each clash between Cylon and Human, whether with weapons or with words, brought progress. The factions have united and discovered what is presumably Earth. There's no way that they can screw this up now.

Further observations:

The radioactive wasteland, I suspect, is somehow going to be explained through the prism of creator Ron Moore's leftist politics views. My least favorite moments in the series were all tied up in Moore's injections of current American politics into the story. Most of the time, it was irrelevant to the ongoing story; he did it just for the sake of doing it.
On the other hand, it would have been interesting if the fleet had discovered planet Earth in the year 2008. The show has a fairly diverse cast. From what I can recall, there has been no prejudice based on skin color; all human bigotry on the show is based on colony of origin, and there does not seem to be any colony that is all one color. If they had landed on today's Earth, people would have picked the Colonials apart by race. So maybe it's a good thing that we're all dead when Galactica comes home.
Speaking of skin color, it seems like the "less white" the Cylon babe is, the hotter she is. Number Six is okay for a one-night stand, but I can't see getting into a long-term relationship with her. D'Anna Biers is nice if you have a thing for a Dominatrix MILF type. She'd keep you coming back for more. Sharon Valerii is cute and sexy, a great combination that makes her a prospect for a long-term relationship. Then we come to the hidden models. When Tory discovered her true self, she officially became the hottest Cylon babe. I was starting to have a crush on her not long after she because Roslin's aide. When she defected to the base ship, I was ready to pack my bags and join her. Following my system of "darker=hotter" Cylon babe rating, it follows that Anastasia ("Dee") must be the final Cylon. I hope. They'll probably ruin my ratings system by making it Elosha. That would not be cool. Or hot.
Anyway, I have a feeling that Romo Lampkin is the final Cylon. Lampkin was a protege of Bill Adama's father, Joseph Adama. According to spoilers for the upcoming BSG prequel Caprica, Joseph Adama was around -- and possibly involved in -- the creation of the first Cylons. That's a thing that makes you go "hmmm".
The Lampkin candidacy assumes that the final is still alive. I suspect that he/she/it might already be dead, as much as that would suck. We have plenty of dead characters to choose from.
Baltar must be impotent; otherwise, he would have impregnated Caprica Six or D'Anna long ago. (Or any of the other 500 or so women he's bedded during the show's run.) Tigh did it in just a few conjugal visits to the brig.
How is babby formed? How Six get pragnent? I thought Cylons couldn't breed with one another. Is there something special about the final five that makes them run more like humans?
What am I going to do for the next six months? This might be a good window of opportunity to rent or borrow the first three seasons on DVD so I can revisit the shows that I haven't seen in years. It should be interesting watching the older episodes now that I know Tigh and Tyrol are Cylons.

And season four of Doctor Who ends in a few weeks. Darn it.

His Ride Is A Horse, Of Course, Of Course

2008-06-12T08:08:00.003-04:00

About that Conestoga wagon thing that I pointed out the other day?

Well, at least one guy is doing something about it. He decided to save money by riding his horse to a service station to buy cigarettes.

Of course, if he really wanted to show some fiscal smarts, he would stop smoking. That would save him plenty in both the short term and the long run.

Ron Paul Supporters Gopher An Alternative Convention

2008-06-11T08:58:00.000-04:00

Congressman Ron Paul's chances of getting elected President this year fizzled out weeks ago, but he's still working to keep his message alive. Dr. Paul's campaign is planning to hold a rival convention in Minneapolis while the Republican National Convention takes place in neighboring Saint Paul.

It seems that the RNC is shutting out Ron Paul because he won't kiss John McCain's ass. Now let me make this clear: I intend to vote for John McCain in November. I will vote for him against Barack Obama, just as I would vote for him against any Democrat. McCain has his flaws, but I don't dislike the man. Indeed, there is much to admire about him. The fact remains, however, that he is the establishment candidate, and he has a long record of compromise and conciliation that helped him get where he is today. In that spirit, John McCain and the Republican Party should reach out to Ron Paul and recognize the support he has received from Republican primary voters by inviting him to speak to the RNC.

Sorry, Dr. Paul, but we can't let a principled politician whose beliefs and practices are rooted in the basic philosophy of the Republican Party speak at the Republican convention. Make nice with us and we'll play with you.

Ron Paul is too principled to do that. He has valid reasons for not throwing his support behind John McCain. So, in order to let anyone who will listen know that he still has something to say, He is going to have his own rally concurrent with the second night of the RNC.

He has an interesting venue lined up:

Williams Arena, located on the Twin Cities main campus of the University of Minnesota is the home of the University of Minnesota Golden Gophers men's and women's basketball teams. The building is known affectionately as "The Barn," and its student section is known as The Barnyard.

Perfect! If this gathering is like any other political convention or rally, it should certainly resemble the inside of a barn full of animals. I wouldn't mind going up there to see it in person, if I could, but I probably won't. My vacation plans this year revolve around spending a couple of weeks (and a lot of money, unfortunately) in the City of Angels. I'll be lucky if I can afford to get back to Pittsburgh after that, let alone make a side trip to Minnesota.

If I did go, I could stay at my kind-hearted, beneficent relative's house just twelve minutes from The Barn. Heck, I could even go to Keegan's, the conservative Minnesota bloggers' favorite hangout, just six minutes on the other side of The Barn. That would be a top night.

Instead, I'll stay home and watch on TV (or the Internet). No visit to the Williams Arena for me, sorry to say. That building is over 80 years old. It's hard to say how long it will be before someone decided to tear it down and build a 21st century facility, which begs the question: If The Barn is demolished, will there resulting pile of debris be christened "Barney Rubble"?

Just Stop Using The Damn Stuff

2008-06-09T08:37:00.000-04:00

Damn, do gas prices suck these days or what? I'm not as bothered as a lot of other people seem to be. I practically have front door service for my daily commute, since my employer subsidizes my bus rides, and my wife can walk to work in under a minute. The only place I drive to any more is the store, so I can get away with filling the tank on my minivan no more than once per month.

Others are not so lucky. Charities that rely on gas powered vehicles to make deliveries to needy patrons are suffering, as reported in this morning's PG Now. Not to worry -- if you've got horses and hay, there's hope for you yet! At least that was the impression I had when I saw the proximity of these two items on the PG's front page this morning, as seen in the following screen capture:

People are talking about many newfangled alternative energy sources nowadays. Who would ever have thought of buying a Conestoga wagon? There's no fuel like an old fuel.

Politics On Parade

2008-05-29T08:46:00.000-04:00

The other day I attended the big fire engine parade that takes place in my neighborhood every Memorial Day. (Yes, there were more than just fire engines, but my earliest memories of parades like this are fire engines, and the kid in me watches, first and foremost, to see the fire engines.) There were the usual attractions, like high school bands, cub scouts, Civil War re-enactors, and church vans with puppet ministries -- but most important of all were the veterans marching in the parade. This was their day, and the day of their fallen comrades. The crowds lining the street respectfully quieted down and applauded whenever military veterans passed by. That was nice.

Not so nice were the reasons that my kids liked the parade: the candy tossing and the balloon man. Every time I take the kids someplace where an old guy is selling balloons, trouble ensues. Let's just say that I was not happy to pay seven bucks for two balloons with a life span of about two hours. The candy tossing wasn't so bad, at first. Various and sundry civic groups, fire departments, and others toss little pieces of bulk-purchased candy (mostly of the hard, old lady variety) towards the edge of the sidewalk where children are seated. The kids scurry to grab and hold as much candy as possible before sitting back down. It went well until some big red haired bully decided to jump in front of smaller children (and they were all smaller than him) so he could grab all of the candy before anyone else could. I had to deal with not just a few tears in the wake of big red's rampages.

Let's see...fire engines, veterans, scouts, bands...was there anything else? Oh yes...politicians.

Since this is an election year, I expected to see some politicians in attendance. I expected to see more than two, but there aren't really many hot races in the area this time around. The most significant race pits incumbent Republican Congressman Tim Murphy against Democrat challenger Steve O'Donnell. And both of them were there.

I've seen Tim at plenty of functions in the area. Like any good Representative, he tries to be seen as often as possible. He doesn't try to take center stage, unless he is a featured guest, but he's there anyway. For instance, last year, there was a street festival in my neighborhood. Prominent local elected Democrats (County Exec Dan Onorato and some state pols) made an appearance on stage to present the community with one of those awesome giant checks that make a good photo op. While all eyes were on the stage, I glanced around the crowd and spotted Tim Murphy. He wasn't trying to muscle his way onto stage and be seen with all the Dems. Nor was he bumping around, shoving his hand into people's palms and saying, "Hey how are you?" before moving right along. In other words, he wasn't being a politician. He didn't even need to be there. He blended in, and he looked honestly pleased to see the big check presentation ceremony.

At this week's Memorial Day parade, Tim Murphy had a car with his name on a sign on either side of the car. That's standard for people or organizations with a car in the parade. However, rather than sitting in the car, waving his hand and tossing candy, he walked around and passed out candy from a bucket. He made his appearance, everyone knew that he was there and knew who he was, and he moved on. No heavy politics.

On the other hand, there was his opponent, Steve O'Donnell. This guy's appearance was a little creepy. For one thing, he didn't have a car, that I could see. Was he even supposed to be there? Then there was his proximity to Tim Murphy. I've seen opposing politicians taking part in the same parade before, but they maintained some degree of distance from one another, with usually a few bands and fire engines keeping them apart. Steve O'Donnell was following Tim Murphy. Your kids pick up Tim's candy, and suddenly there's Steve in your face, shoving his hand into your palm. He was working the side of the road, followed by what appeared to be a couple of thugs. Big, unfriendly looking young men wearing Steve O'Donnell stickers. Probably a wise move on his part. When you go around being overbearing among potentially hostile people, bodyguards are handy.

Before coming over to me, Steve O'Donnell stopped to talk to a lady about the need for big changes in the district, and in the country. He seemed to be assuming that, because this voting age person is female, she couldn't possibly be a Republican, so I will speak to her concerns. The delicious irony is that the woman is on the local Republican committee and has run for office a couple of times. Unfortunately, she is also a very nice, community oriented person, so she didn't give him a kick in the nuts.

Neither did I. I'm a man, for one thing, and I would have had to beat up both of the bodyguards. But I did think about it. If I could sum up Steve O'Donnell in one word, that word would be...slick. He was working the crowd in the way that a politician should, but there was something weird about his sliding along the parade route in Tim Murphy's slipstream and getting in my face when I'm trying to watch the parade and keep an eye on my kids. The man is trying to sell himself to me in 30 seconds or less, and the closer he leans in, the more distracted I am getting...because of his beard. He has a neatly trimmed goatee that is so light as to be almost invisible. When he walks toward you, the beard seems to fade in and out of existence. It's distracting, and disturbing.

Now, I have had numerous facial hair styles. I have had goatees. I have had short, trim beards. I have had big fuzzy beards. I have had different kinds of mustaches. Once I even had a Kaiser Wilhelm II style mustache. Last year, I decided to give up on growing facial hair after my chin fur turned white. I prefer the hair on my face to match the hair on my head. The beard will be back, but not until after the rest of my hair goes white.

Having thus established my authority on the subject of facial hair, I have a few suggestions for Steve O'Donnell. He can either:

Shave it all off;
grow a full beard;
dye it darker; or
keep the goatee, but grow it longer, like Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart.

Any of those would be preferable to a beard that makes him look like half of his face is in the Phantom Zone.

If all of this beard talk makes you want to talk about the issues, check out his campaign web site...yikes! Steve O'Donnell is definitely not on my side. In fact, he's downright hostile to me. If you have the patience to sit through the entire video that pops up on his home page, you get the distinct impression that he does not covet support of Republicans. The 18th District has a Democrat majority of registered voters, yet keeps returning Tim Murphy to Congress. Tim seeks the votes of people from both parties, and is rewarded with victory for his efforts. Steve O'Donnell trash-talks Republicans from the get-go. If I had seen this video before the parade, I might have had some harsh words for him when he stuck his magical disappearing beard in my face. He wants to "fight the Republican anti-family agenda"? I have a family. Is he saying that I hate my wife and kids? He wants to fight, I'm game.

Of course, when he says "anti-family", he is employing socialist rhetoric. He wants the government to take care of your kids. When you read his issues page, you get a strong sense that he is all about doling out taxpayer money. In a Steve O'Donnell America, none of us would be able to claim dependents on our 1040 because we would all be dependents of Uncle Sam. O'Donnell shouldn't have been walking along a parade that featured plenty of American flags. He would be more at home under a red flag with hammer-and-sickle. And he wants me to consider voting for him?

If he had picked up Tim Murphy's candy from the payment and given it to kids on the other side of the street, it would have been in perfect keeping with his view of how to run the country.

Stunningly Gorgeous

2008-05-02T08:31:00.002-04:00

Last Summer, I embedded a video from YouTube that morphed the faces of beautiful women from 500 years of art as a Bach cello suite played on. This has turned out to be one of my most popular posts ever, based on Google search results.

The person responsible for that work of beauty has also created a morphing video of beautiful movie actresses over the years:

Wow.

When I Blog Complain, It's Like A Little Prayer

2008-04-28T08:38:00.002-04:00

In my last post, I recounted a year of frustration with Microsoft's Windows Vista operating system. Basically, I said that it sucked.

I did not expect something positive to happen as quickly as it did.

Over the weekend, I checked Windows Update to see what, if any, Vista fix was lurking about, just waiting for me to install it. There was one -- a big one. Windows Vista Service Pack 1 has come to the masses. I'm sure the timing was just coincidence, but it certainly seemed as though this gift from Bill Gates came in response to my lamentations.

I ran the install at bedtime and woke up to find a desktop that looked absolutely no different than it had the night before. That's good. Even better, the system has not had the problems with crashes and hanging applications as it did before. I'm digging it. If this keeps up, I am going to get to love Vista.

Thank you, Microsoft.

Bogus Vista

2008-04-25T17:00:00.000-04:00

If actions speak louder than words, then Microsoft is admitting that Windows Vista sucks without actually saying that Vista sucks.

LOUVAIN-LA-NEUVE, Belgium -- Microsoft Corp. CEO Steve Ballmer offered a glimmer of hope yesterday to fans of the company's Windows XP operating system, saying the company may reconsider its decision to stop selling it soon.

But Mr. Ballmer was adamant that most people who buy PCs today buy them with XP's successor, Vista.

"That's the statistical truth," he told reporters at a news conference at Louvain-La-Neuve University. "If customer feedback varies, we can always wake up smarter."

Let me speak from experience about this. In the past, I was never one to get excited about new operating systems. I remember when Windows 95 was released. I remember how all of the Microsoft users rushed to get their hands on the new OS as soon as they could. Most of all, I remember the furor over Win95's propensity to crash and burn with the greatest of ease. Bill Gates and Microsoft were a huge joke at the time. Things didn't improve until the release of Windows 98 a few years later. Microsoft was a bit more careful about flooding the market with that OS. Users were much more careful about installing an unproven product on their machines. Same thing with subsequent releases Windows 2000, Windows NT and Windows XP. Microsoft got smart and retained the lion's share of the computing market.

As eager as I was to get onto the Internet, it would be a while before I had the means to go online. I purchased my first new PC from Dell in 2000. It was a relatively cheap, low memory, low storage, adequate performance machine that ran Windows 98 SE. I had no problems with the system, aside from anything that I caused on my own. (Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.) The computer lasted a good five years before entering its death throes and finally succumbing about a year ago. By that time, it had become our secondary home computer, having been supplanted by a much higher performing machine a couple of years ago.

The New Computer, as it was then known, ran on Windows XP. I deliberately waited a couple of years after making up my mind to buy it. Having witnessed the misery of the Win95 user, I didn't want to take a chance on another brand new unproven OS. It still runs quite well and I am happy with it.

My Frau started talking about getting her own computer, preferably a laptop, so the whole family wouldn't have to take turns sharing one PC. Sensible. So I rewarded her sensibility by getting her a nice new laptop. Like its two predecessors, the laptop was a Dell purchase. Not only did it come with the good old reliable XP operating system, but there was an option to upgrade FOR FREE! to the the brand new Windows Vista in a couple of months. I thought that was just swell. For the first time ever, we can have the newest and best operating system that Windows has to offer, almost to the very day of its release. So I signed up for the optional upgrade to Vista.

I should have quit when I was ahead.

The installation process was an absolute mess. I literally slept through most of it. It was still running when I woke up, but presented me with a number of problems. Some XP applications were not Vista compatible. Other parts of the old system were having trouble making the transfer to the new. When the process was complete, the desktop looked nice. That was a start. Then things really started to go pear-shaped.

Armed with the knowledge that new operating systems are constantly being checked for bugs, I set the computer to automatically download all new Vista updates. So, of course, the updates them selves were full of bugs. After three months of Vista, I had to do some amateur tech support in order to restore the system to a safe point in time before the offending updates had installed. ("Amateur tech support" is my way of saying "find a computer that works and type the error message verbatim into Google". Works every time.) I stopped the automatic download of Vista updates, too. I was spending more time working on my wife's computer than she was working with it. No need to download more bugs onto the machine courtesy of Microsoft itself.

Other problems popped up for which we had no solution. Outlook stopped working. Then it started working again. Then MS Word stopped working, never to return to the land of the living. It was a veritable comedy of errors. My wife once attempted to call Microsoft tech support and ended up having a very frustrating exchange with a rude bastard at a call center in India. She'll never do that again. (I took care of her problem using the aforementioned Google tech support method.) The system began suffering frequent crashes and I had to hear about it every day.

A minor household tragedy that took place a few months ago turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Without going into details, I will just say that the computer stopped functioning. I didn't want her to go without, so I bought her a new computer for the second year in a row. Another laptop, physically identical to the first one, was my gift to her. Not wanting to relive the previous year's nightmare, I made sure that it ran on Windows XP. Since XP is no longer state of the art, I bought it from Dell for slightly more than half of what I paid for the other one -- and with double the gigabytes of storage. It runs happily. My wife is happy with it. That makes me happy.

At the same time, I decided to turn my XP over to the kids and get myself a nice new desktop. Vista had been out for a year, so it couldn't possibly have any bugs left undetected, right? Besides, I was buying a brand new computer that didn't need a system overhaul. It was a Vista virgin.

Sure enough, it didn't show any signs of performance problems -- initially. The desktop display looked great, and everything ran smoothly and quickly. Then I started to install software on the computer than did not come with the machine. It seems as though some applications do not like running at the same time as others. Firefox started crashing. My genealogy program is the slowest thing I've used since I was puttering away on an old 486 back in 1996. It is also prone to frequent crashes when running with Firefox or Internet Explorer.

That's bogus. I can run a nearly unlimited number of applications on Windows XP and not have any problems. Try to run 3 or 4 simultaneously on Vista, and system performance becomes an issue. I still have confidence that all of Vista's bugs will be wiped out over the next few months. But there is a part of me that wishes I had gone with XP again.

Not long after acquiring this machine I learned that Windows intended to stop selling XP. Why, as Steve Ballmer says in the above quote, do more people buy Vista than XP? Maybe it's because marketing is pushing Vista to the exclusion of its superior predecessor. Maybe because Microsoft is encouraging vendors like Dell to make it harder to buy XP systems. It would be nice if Microsoft kept XP on the market for at least another year before scrapping it entirely. Getting rid of XP now completely ignores the concerns of a large portion of Microsoft's consumer market.

In other words, I've been loyal to Microsoft for years due to the high quality of the company's product. If Vista continues to suck, and rivals such as Apple can compete with Dell's prices, I may just have to switch brands for any future purchases. There are many more users, I am sure, who feel the same way. And Apple knows it.

There's Got To Be A Morning After

2008-04-23T07:55:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was not a happy Election Day for me. It has nothing to do with who won or who lost. It has to do with the fact that I ran into some delays during the afternoon and had barely enough time to get to the polling place. Yes, I voted, but I didn't get to have fun with write-ins the way I normally do. There's no enjoyment in voting for unopposed candidates. It almost feels...irresponsible. Like I say every election day: No one deserves a free ride.

The only write-in I had time for was in the race for State Representative. The Republican candidate, whose petition I signed several weeks ago and whose name is listed on several web sites, was not even on the ballot. I don't know why he wasn't there, but I was prepared to vote for him anyway, so I did. Pittsburgh City Councilman Dan Deasy won the Democrat primary, so it can be assumed that he will have a free ride into office come November.

There was a choice for President! As I promised, I voted for Ron Paul. Voting for Ron Paul makes Rauterkus happy. That's a positive thing. Why would you want to upset the man? Also, there was the delightful symbolism of voting for Ron Paul in the very church in which he was married, way back in 1957. Call it a belated fifty-first wedding present.

Plus, as Jim Quinn said this morning, voting for Ron Paul send a message to John McCain. Do all of these Pennsylvania Republicans vote for McCain because they seriously support him, or are they just jumping on the bandwagon because he has the nomination locked? Like I said above, no one deserves a free ride.

Statewide races, Congressional...unopposed, blah blah blah.

Then there were the convention delegates. I had no idea who most of these people were or what candidate they supported, so I voted for the two names I actually recognized and randomly pressed buttons for the rest. Now that's exercising my privileges!

Next stop -- November 4!

Wisdom Of Google

2008-04-22T13:08:00.000-04:00

Exactly!

Batshit Crazy. Moonbat, That Is

2008-04-22T07:40:00.003-04:00

Someone was off her meds at yesterday's Clinton Pep Rally in Pittsburgh's Market Square:

In Pittsburgh, the act of introducing the former president set off a small storm when Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl and Allegheny County Chief Executive Dan Onorato -- both prominent Clinton backers -- took the stage and began their introductions of the former president.

They overlooked another prominent Clinton supporter on the stage, Lt. Gov. Catherine Baker Knoll, who wrested the microphone from Mr. Onorato and let fly with a complaint picked up over the loudspeaker.

As Mr. Clinton mounted the steps to the stage, Mrs. Knoll said: "They never recognize the lieutenant governor. These two men can't stand women. You know what? I have loafed with this president and with Hillary and their beautiful daughter Chelsea for 25 years. That's long before he was the governor -- that's governor of Arkansas."

She later said she apparently had been overlooked for introductions by a campaign staffer.

"It wasn't their fault. It was the guy in the back room. He doesn't know yet who I am. They forgot," she said.

(Audio file here. "Hillaryvania! Yi! Yi! Yi!")

It would have been a perfect moment if she had snapped with, "Damnit! This tears it. I'm voting for Obama!"

Obama Is An Insidious Bastard

2008-04-22T07:36:00.000-04:00

So my wife finally got so sick of people coming to the and shilling for candidates when she's trying to get things done around the house that she decided to do something about it: She posted a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on the front . No one knocked all . Her plan worked!

Well...not entirely. I was amused to find "DO NOT DISTURB" stuck to the when I came home yesterday. I was not amused at all to see what was hanging from the screen handle. It seems that the folks who pass out literature no longer settle for small fliers that can be inserted in the side of the -- for, plainly visible from as far away as the street, was a big long piece of for President propaganda hanging off the front of the . It was insidiously clever, really. The thing was custom made for hanging from knobs (or handles). My wife, in her attempt to stay clear of roving campaign workers, ended up enabling them.

She still hasn't committed herself to a candidate, but I get the feeling that this slick move may discourage her from voting for . One can only hope.

We weren't the only victims, either. This sort of thing was happening all over the commonwealth. It was a concerted effort, no doubt carried out with the blessing of Barack Obama himself. What a rat bastard. If I had been home when when the Obama volunteer dropped by, someone would have been walking off of my property with fewer teeth than when they set foot on it.

Yes, I would have proudly struck such a blow in the cause of freedom.

The Day Before Tomorrow

2008-04-21T14:15:00.000-04:00

This morning I took a rather circuitous route to work. After dropping my car off for some minor repair work, I took an alternate public transportation route that required me to switch buses in downtown Pittsburgh partway through the journey. I caught the second bus about a block outside of Market Square, which was blocked off by sawhorses. Across the street from my stop, some people were carrying humongous "Hillary" signs. It could mean only one thing: Clinton is in town today!

Actually, it's a BOGO deal: two for the price of one.

If I didn't have to work today, I might have hung around to observe the proceedings. I'm not a protester; if someone from the other side is speaking, I don't boo or heckle. I might keep my arms folded when everyone else applauds, but that's as far as I will go to express dissent.

Even so, I would have felt awkward joining the crowd at a Clinton rally, just as I would at an Obama rally. The last thing I need is for someone I know to spot me and get worked up about me being a Hillary! supporter. Most people with whom I associate on a day to day basis do not know that I am a Republican. If they think I'm supporting a Democrat, I'll have to set them straight, and the days of sunshine and roses will be over. They are not fond of right wingers.

This election is not much easier for someone who actually is a Democrat. My wife has gotten bombarded with mailers and phone calls on behalf of both candidates. She admitted several days ago to having trouble making up her mind. She still hasn't. A girl at my workplace is surrounded at home by a coven of Hillary! feminists. She hasn't made up her mind either, and her housemates are causing her some serious grief. I told her the same thing I told my wife the other day: When in doubt, go with the one you know best. Write yourself in.

The election is too serious for them to take my facetious advice, but I have done so myself in moments of doubt. Heck, if Ron Paul wasn't so tenacious about remaining on the ballot here, I'd probably vote for myself for President.

It's going to be a long line in which I will have to wait my turn to vote tomorrow.

Booty Call

2008-04-18T10:47:00.003-04:00

Someone recently used the keywords hauntingly beautiful to access this post via .

I couldn't help but notice this result on the same page:

One wonders whether this doesn't have something to do with my shocking discovery on Maps . Who voted in this contest, anyway? And why wasn't I informed?

He's Halfway There

2008-04-17T11:20:00.003-04:00

The news is all "Obama! Hillary!" these days. Let's not forget , the Republican nominee. He has some things to say. I especially like his proposal for a " holiday".

He is giving me a good reason to solidly support him come November. Now he just needs to go an extra step and propose permanent reductions in gas taxes.

Vote For Whomever You Like!

2008-04-17T11:10:00.002-04:00

I'm not going to make an endorsement. The 2 or 3 people who read this blog already know that I'm casting my vote for , a candidate who has already lost his bid for the nomination. I'm stubborn that way.

I am going to say that the Republican Party needs to listen to and take his views seriously. He deserves some decent air time at the party convention in Saint this year.

And another thing -- went to high school in my neighborhood. My local polling place is in the basement of the very church where was married. Is he going to be in Pittsburgh on Election Day? 'Twould be kind of cool to see him outside the church when I drop by to press the button for him. His schedule has him in Montana the day before, but nothing for Election Day itself. We'll see.

I've Lost My Keyes

2008-04-17T08:45:00.000-04:00

Way back in 1996, I proudly voted for for President of these United States. That was the year when I grew tired of the "conservative" label and became interested in candidates who would stand for the principles under which this nation was founded. was that candidate. He didn't just pick a favorite amendment to the Constitution and make a big deal out of it, as many politicians do; he was a scholar who could well be described as a constitutional fundamentalist. "Constitutional" means something; "conservative" is a much more flexible term. There is much that is considered "conservative" that I can not relate to, most of it having nothing to do with politics. But "constitutional"? I'm there, dude!

's political philosophy was not the only thing about him that interested me. The more I learned about his personal life, the more impressed I was. Here was a man we could respect, in contrast to the ongoing sex joke, Bill Clinton. There was nothing wrong with , as far I as could see. I've never cast a vote for President with as much zeal as I did in 1996.

Of course, it was just the primary election and the uninspiring Bob Dole won handily. Well, there's always 2000...

So in 2000 I looked forward to running again, as he did indeed do. I was disappointed to walk into the voting booth and find that his name was nowhere to be found. By the time the Pennsylvania primary came around, George W. Bush had the nomination wrapped up, so I voted for the rather obscure marginal candidate Gary Bauer. I've never had much of an opinion one way or the other on Gary Bauer, but I voted for him on the basis that if he somehow were to get elected, he would stir Democrat hatred more than any of the other Republican candidates. If we had had those newfangled electronic voting machines back then, I would have done an write-in.

Along the way, Dr. ran unsuccessfully for US Senate in Maryland. More famously, he was the sacrificial lamb in the 2004 Illinois Senate race against Barack Messiah Obama. By that time, I was more interested in him as a scholar than as a politician. Realistically, the electorate doesn't have a place for a politician who isn't at least a borderline populist.

That hasn't stopped from trying to get back into the fray. At a fairly late point in 2008 primary season, and to little fanfare, he entered the race for the Republican nomination. He soon exited the race just as quietly. My enthusiasm had waned, but he was still going to be my second choice after Ron Paul.

Here's a question: Given my past support for , would I stand behind him if he were to run as a third party or independent candidate?

The answer is "No". has chosen to bolt the Republican Party so he can try running under the Constitution Party banner. There is much to like about the Constitution Party, just as there is about the Libertarian Party. Like it or not, though, we are stuck with a two-party system. If John McCain isn't "conservative" enough for you, or if you think the Republicans are turning into Democrats lite, abandoning the party is not the way to make things better. You are only empowering the opposition. Alan Keyes has made an arguably principled choice. But it is also the wrong choice. If he takes even one voter with him, away from the Republican Party, he is helping the Democrats.

Alan Keyes has already lost one election to Obama. Why does he want to do it again?

Hopefully He Will Go Down Like A Lead Zeppelin

2008-04-17T08:00:00.000-04:00

One of the benefits (if you can call it that) of being married to someone from a different political party than oneself is being able to see what kind of campaign advertisements are being sent to one's spouse during a heated primary campaign. My Republican eyes really do not care what Democrats are sending to their party members, but when the mail shows up, I just have to look.

Yesterday two different pieces arrived from the campaign of one Mr. John Paul Jones, a man who must certainly feel the weight of history pressing hard upon him, considering that he bears the name of not just one but TWO figures of major historical import. One wonders why Mr. Jones doesn't stick with John (too Martian?) or just go by Paul (too evocative of a sports entertainment legend?). Name recognition in politics is everything in a primary election where the voter can't just vote straight party. Smart move, then, using his full name.

Mr. Jones is running for State Representative in the 27th District of Pennsylvania, located along the western border of the city of Pittsburgh. The first mailer was basically "yadda, yadda, yadda"; family pictures and some text outlining his reasons for running. I barely looked at it, as he is not of my party, and I have seen far too many candidate mailers with family photos over the years. It's all just so "yadda, yadda, yadda".

I nearly passed over the second mailer when something caught my eye. This one was a little more hardcore, to say the least. What, or who, is Mr. Jones running against? A rather harsh collage of a weary George W. Bush, flanked by images of rising gas prices and bad news headlines, made the message clear:

Elect John Paul Jones to the PA State Legislature, and he will oppose the policies of George W. Bush and Big Oil!

Erm, no. Unless the legislature is dominated by moonbats who have lost complete sight of their jobs, you are not going to Harrisburg to work against the President of the United States. If that is your goal, then run for Congress. Using images of the President, rising gas prices, and war might have some appeal to the editorial board of the Pittsburgh Psychosis-Gazette, but to a rational human being, it makes no sense.

Speaking of the PG...guess who gave Mr. Jones an endorsement this week? Birds of a feather, my friends, birds of a feather.

Dan Rooney Can Go Fuck Himself

2008-04-15T09:21:00.000-04:00

This statement should really be tucked firmly away in the circular file marked "Who Cares?", but the arrogance is too blindingly bright to ignore. It seems that the owner of a local major league sports franchise has felt the need to trumpet his feelings about this year's presidential campaign. Let's tear this bastard a new one:

Dear Fellow Pennsylvanian,

Fuck you, asshole. As far as I'm concerned, you and I don't even belong to the same species. Don't try to make it sound like I have anything in common with you.

Based on the experiences that I have had in my seventy-five years and my assessment of what I think our nation needs to make real the change that is so needed, I am proud and now feel compelled to endorse Senator Barack Obama.

Bad move there, bringing up your age. John McCain is younger than you, and Democrats are suggesting that he wears adult diapers, is senile, and is a good argument for setting a maximum age for running for office. (I know this because I read the Internet.) Do you think they are going to take your endorsement seriously?

This is not something that I do regularly but as I listen to the candidates in this race, I am struck that we continue to hear about the problems and the same challenges that we have been talking about for decades. Protecting jobs here in Pennsylvania, breaking our dangerous and costly addiction to foreign oil, making health care accessible and affordable -- these are neither new issues nor new ideas. And yet we have failed to make real progress.

In contemporary politics, "progress" is another word for "communism". Rooney wants government to be involved in everything. Government involvement created most of the problems that the nation faces today. "Progress" isn't going to make things better; it's going to make them worse.

As a grandfather and a citizen of this community I think Barack Obama's, thoughtful, strategic approach is important for America. When I hear how excited young people seem to be when they talk about this man, I believe he will do what is best for them which is to inspire them to be great Americans.

Grandpa's listening to the kids. How charming. When Dan Rooney refers to "excited young people", I can't help interpreting this as "potential future season ticket holders". He's a rich guy, and rich guys are all about money.

The Founding Fathers were inspired to be great Americans by their leaders, too. They were so inspired that they took up arms and shot the government in order to create a free society. No wonder Obama is afraid of people "clinging to guns".

This time, we can't afford to wait. Our country needs a new direction and a new kind of leadership " the kind of leadership, judgment and experience that Senator Obama has demonstrated in more than 20 years of public service, and in a particularly impressive way in this campaign. Senator Obama has rejected the say-and-do anything tactics that puts winning elections ahead of governing the country. And he has rejected the back-room politics in favor of opening government up to the people. Barack Obama is the one candidate in this race who can finally put an end to business as usual in Washington and bring about real change for Pittsburgh and the country as a whole. He has inspired me and so many other people around our country with new ideas and fresh perspectives.

Like most Obama supporters, Rooney says a lot about Obama without actually saying anything about Obama. Yes, we know who Obama is and what he symbolizes. But what is he, really? What does he really stand for? If Rooney's football coaches came to him to tell him about the hottest draft prospects in college football, he wouldn't settle for crap like this. He would want to know stats, see films, find out what the players have actually accomplished, and what they have the potential to accomplish. The whole paragraph is stupid, meaningless, and a rehash of the empty platitudes regularly spouted by Obama's mindless minions. Did Rooney even write this himself?

True sports fans know that you support your team even when they are the underdogs. Barack Obama is the underdog here but it is with great pride that I join his team.

Barack Obama is the underdog? Are you kidding? Doesn't matter; "true sports fans" are going to take Dan Rooney's word as gospel, since he and his family are revered as religious figures here in Pittsburgh. I, on the other hand, have not been able to take professional sports seriously in years, so I am unswayed by Lord Rooney's pronouncement.

When I think of Barack Obama's America I have great hope. I support his candidacy and look forward to his Presidency.

I look forward to paying off my mortgages and being able to start saving money so my kids will have something when I die. Meanwhile, Rich Bastard Rooney looks forward to using his power and influence to elect a President of the United States. The rich really are different, you know.

Sincerely,
Daniel M. Rooney, Owner and Chairman, Pittsburgh Steelers

Pay attention to the sign-off; this is very important. He doesn't sign off as a private citizen. He signs off as "Owner and Chairman, Pittsburgh Steelers". (More accurately, Pittsburgh Bitchbeaters, if you follow some players' off-the-field antics.) The tone of the endorsement suggests that he speaks only for himself; but by signing off as owner of the Steelers, Rooney creates the impression that he speaks for the entire organization. Every single individual on the Steelers' payroll is complicit in this endorsement, unless they come out and state otherwise. I can't believe that every Steeler is a Democrat, or an Obama supporter. Those who are not need to disassociate themselves from the Rooney endorsement.

I doubt they will, though. Money, money, money, baby. Mr. Rooney controls the purse strings. Money is power, and so is the word of the owner of the Steelers in this city.

About Obama

2008-04-14T16:47:00.001-04:00

Occasionally -- quite often, actually -- I come across a post by a blogger who is thinking almost exactly that same thing that I am, but expresses those thoughts better than I ever could.

This is one of those posts.

Fun With Search Words

2008-04-04T09:12:00.000-04:00

Nothing says loving like meaningful search terms that people use to find your blog. I know that I have a weird sense of humor, but some of these searches are wayyyyy out there. Some of the more recent interesting discoveries:

clown porn joker (Someone must be looking for Heath Ledger slash fiction)
tigh mccain (I get the feeling that I will be seeing a lot of this over the next few months)
lets see what you havein your pants (I'll show you mine if you show me yours. But only if you're a hot chick)
iron maiden has religious overtones (Steve Harris is GOD)
civil rights charlie brown comics (Franklin was always being kept down by the MAN)
who is pittgirl (If I knew that, I would SO own her ass)
the only good pig for dead pig (Some sort of porcine necrophilia fetish, apparently)
gangrene in metaphorical literature (This one is too deep for me...reminds me too much of college)
ronald reagan stole aquarium white house (He did???)
obi wan and his twirling lightsaber (Damn you, Mary Beth Ellis!)
observing a very sexy woman (Not here...you could always try The Bastardly)
nicko roben sex pornos von one piec (I have some cognizance of the mother tongue, but I'm a little afraid to translate this one)
she made her mothernaked (Might be worth a looksee if she's haughter than the daughter)
mcdave cuting horses in texas (Yes, I have the ability to go to the Lone Star State and make horses cute)
co/workers thong shows (The girl who worked for me last year had this purple...I'd better not say any more)
get chicks to notice me (Not if you spend your time on the internet looking up fifth-rate blogs like this one)

If this is what people are coming to my blog to read, then perhaps I should shift my focus a bit.

Finally...BSG Is Coming Back To Friday Nights

2008-04-03T16:37:00.000-04:00

Some of my favorite television shows are coming back to SciFi channel on Friday nights. It's about time, too! Between the yearlong wait for Battlestar Galactica's fourth season, and the rather less lengthy but nevertheless seemingly interminable wait for new episodes of Doctor Who, I've been bored to tears with nothing to do on Friday evenings. The only other new television program that I view regularly is Heroes, and that's not supposed to come back until the Autumn. Stupid writers strike....

Since I have a habit of viewing everything through the filter of politics NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY NOT TO, I will refer the reader to this excerpt from Rob Owen's review of the premiere episode of BSG, season four:

The new season may not begin with the resonant parallel to our own world as season three's Cylon occupation of New Caprica (re: Iraq) did, but the series remains as tense and gripping as ever.

Somehow the "New Caprica as Iraq" allegory wasn't obvious to me. Maybe it wasn't supposed to be obvious to me. It just seemed like a tense, gripping story arc meant to entertain me and keep me hooked. I didn't jump up and say, "Ha! I get it! New Caprica is Iraq and the Cylons are the Americans!" One can well imagine BSG's target audience (which does not include me, apparently) whooping it up and high-fiving one another with the hand that they are not masturbating with while discussing the deeper political meaning of the latest episode down at the Vegetarian Fruit & Marijuana Bar. Or whatever it is that Democrats do for fun after they turn off the TV set.

When the BSG miniseries debuted back in 2003, many politically right-wing types assumed that they were the target audience. The Cylons' nuclear attack on the 12 colonies seemed like a cautionary tale about what could happen to the United States of America if Islamic terrorists obtained nuclear weapons. BSG's head honcho, Ronald D. Moore, vehemently denied that he was trying to create such a scenario, and has been trying to throw thinly-veiled criticisms of the United States, and particularly of George W. , into as many scripts as possible. The US practices torture...so let's make an episode about torture! GWB cheats to win elections...so let's make an episode about cheating to win an election! The US is brutally occupying Iraq...so let's make a story arc with the Cylons brutally occupying New Caprica! GWB is a religious fanatic who wants to outlaw abortions...so let's make an episode about a fanatically religious president who outlaws abortions! And so on. (I haven't got all day to do a complete run-down.)

You get the idea. I love the show; it's one of my all-time favorites. Awareness of the bias doesn't hamper my viewing enjoyment. In fact, it makes me laugh because it's so silly. RDM doesn't impress me with his attempts to base his ideas for the show on current events and his personal politics. The show would be better off without it, but I'm still watching. He'll have to try harder than that to alienate me.

Disgusting Little Buggers

2008-04-03T08:41:00.001-04:00

Today's P-G tells us that there are an alarming number of Pittsburghers who are obsessed with inserting cylindrical objects into their mouths, if you know what I mean.

Get help, you creeps!

Charity Begins At Home

2008-03-31T09:02:00.000-04:00

The last time I paid to attend a sporting event in Pittsburgh -- or in any major league sports city, for that matter -- Barry Bonds was a trim, muscular athlete wearing a Pirates uniform. It was also his next-to-last home game as a Pirate, and he played like someone who knew he was leaving, was glad to be getting out, and didn't care about the negative impact on his team's performance.

In a way, I know how he felt. I don't feel like giving my all for any Pittsburgh-based sports team, either. I don't even feel like giving a little.

I gave up trying to be a sports fan when I saw millionaires who play games for a living going on strike for more money and benefits. These were men who were known to spend exorbitant amounts of money on big houses, big cars, and in some cases, hedonistic pleasures such as loose women and narcotics. Just as bad as the overpaid athletes were the team owners who were more than willing to pay out huge sums of money in order to keep the superstars on their teams.

Even worse were the fans who spent exorbitant amounts to show their support for their favorite teams. Ticket prices aren't what they once were. No way was I going to cough up the money to subsidize a bunch of rich assholes. Who knows where all of that money might be going?

Here's a clue:

Former Pirates owner Kevin McClatchy donated the legal maximum of $2,300 to Obama's campaign. Penguins board Chairman Mario Lemieux gave an identical amount to Clinton, who has benefited from the longtime support of the Penguins' billionaire co-owner Ron Burkle.

McClatchy and Burkle have been donating to Democrats for years. I wouldn't give my own money directly to Democrats. Why should I give of my meager income to subsidize socialism via the wealthy team owners? They can take their Pirates, and their Penguins, and go to hell.

I have long been an advocate of the "shut up and sing" approach to celebrity politics. If some famous person entertains me and keeps quiet about it, I'm cool with that. If some celebrity I like starts spouting political opinions that differ from mine, or even go so far as to endorse candidates for office, I stop enjoying their product. It's hard to pay to go see a movie, no matter how good the movie might be, when the stars have publicly expressed disdain for people of my ilk. The worst are the idiots who show up in Obama's videos. For a while, I really liked George Lopez. Now I think he's a dickhead. I used to think Johansson was hot and sexy. Now I think she's just a pigfaced bitch with wide hips and big tits.

Ultimately, my abstention from direct financial support of these celebrities will make absolutely no difference to them. It won't even register with them. They will still have loads more money than I could ever imagine. I, at least, will have the satisfaction of keeping my money at home, where it belongs, and where I can spend it on my children, the ones who truly deserve it, instead of on overgrown babies who have too much money already.

Obama Could Make Me Lose My Lunch

2008-03-28T08:15:00.000-04:00

It's all go here in Pittsburgh this week.

Yesterday President George W. Bush visited the area, at the state Republican party's expense, to raise money for that organization and present an award to a local achiever. (Hmm, she pretty. Nice toes.) Since this tends to be a hostile region for the president, he generally pops in, goes straight to where he is scheduled to be, then quickly departs. The fundraiser was not too far from the airport, so he managed not to disrupt downtown traffic, during rush hour or any other hour of the day. Not even close.

Someone who can count on a sunny reception anytime he swings into town is Senator Barack Obama, one of the few individuals still in the running for the presidency. Pittsburgh Democrats love progressives like Obama. He will be appearing at Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Hall in Oakland at around 11 AM. By coincidence, I am meeting a friend for lunch right down the street from Soldiers and Sailors just a few minutes afterwards. Early Friday lunches in Oakland are usually quiet affairs. Today I am worried that the hordes of Obama fans will spill out of the Hall (the event has been sold out for days) and look for a nice place to eat. They might show up at the restaurant where I'll be eating. And why not? If you get turned away at the gate, sitting down for a delicious meal in a local eating establishment can provide you with some consolation.

If they get there before I do, they might crowd me right out of the restaurant. No soup for me!

Don't get me wrong. I'm used to being around Democrats. 90% of the time, I am the only Republican in the room. This crowd, coming out for the pep rally, is going to be wearing buttons and waving signs. I just wanna eat lunch! Is that too much to ask?

Obama supporters: Brown bag it! You can get Isaly's chipped ham at local supermarkets. Pack a sandwich and have a picnic on the lawn of the Cathedral of Learning. Don't let the rain bother you. It's OBAMA! He's worth it, right? Do it for your Messiah!

Scream For Me, Long Beach!

2008-03-26T09:26:00.000-04:00

(This post is dedicated to Learned Foot, who graciously allowed me to retain my place on his rainbow.)

Happy happy joy joy. Sometime this summer, my family will be going on a repeat visit to the locate we visited two years ago. This one should last about a week longer than the last. I expect to be able to spend time lingering around places I was only able to glimpse in passing the last time around. Like, for instance, this unusually painted cylindrical structure near the Pacific Ocean:

I assumed it to be some sort of big aquarium. What else would an oceanside building adorned with depictions of marine life be? Fool that I am, it took me nearly twenty months to figure out what I had photographed from a moving vehicle.

I am ashamed. I should have known what this place was before I saw it live and in person. Here's video footage of the inside:

Yes, it's a mortuary that specializes in ancient Egyptian style funerals.

JUST KIDDING! It's actually the Long Beach Arena, or as I like to call it, the LIVE AFTER DEATH ARENA. I've owned the audio of the show on CD for about sixteen years, and now I want to get the recently released video before I go out there again. It will put me in the mood. I'll get so carried away that I might get arrested for yelling "Scream for me Long Beach!" everywhere I go.

Which would be cool.

Traitorous Bastards

2008-03-25T13:58:00.000-04:00

The Pittsburgh Psychosis-Gazette, this region's biggest left-wing propaganda organ, is celebrating what looks like a major shift in voters' registrations.

On the last day of voter registration before next month's presidential primary, the campaigns of Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama reached for what they consider electoral gold -- disaffected Republicans.

Oh yeah? Name one.

"I've been a Republican all my life, but the challenges we face are too great to choose a candidate based on party," said Dave Fawcett, a former Allegheny County councilman who changed parties yesterday so that he can vote for Mr. Obama on April 22.

A Republican of more than 30 years who served two terms on County Council, Mr. Fawcett, 49, said it was not easy to switch parties, but "Barack Obama is the only candidate who will be able to break the partisan divide and inspire Americans to come together around real solutions."

I wish I could say that I am surprised or disappointed, but this is par for the course where Allegheny Republicans are concerned. Remember when Republicans won a majority of County Commissioners' seats in 1995? The whole thing collapsed less than halfway through the term. Republican Commissioners Bob Cranmer and Larry Dunn had a falling out, which led to Cranmer registering as an Independent and forming a majority with Democrat Mike Dawida. A few years later, Larry Dunn would change registration and run, unsuccessfully, as a Democrat for another office. What makes it even worse is that Dunn and Cranmer had both served as chairman of the county Republicans. That's the kind of party leadership that makes you lose confidence in the organization. What Republican can take his party seriously if you can't trust the people in charge NOT to jump ship at the first opportunity?

And let's not forget former Allegheny Republican Commissioner Barbara Hafer, who during her run for Governor in 1990 did something that no Republican before or since has convinced me to do: vote for a Democrat. She also turned Democrat a few years back, but no one noticed any difference.

Sic transit gloria Fawcett. I hope he's enjoying the hit off of the great Obama bong.

So how bad is it, really?

As of yesterday, 7,246 voters in Allegheny County have switched parties and registered as Democrats, said Mark Wolosik, head of the county's Elections Division.

Out of the 7,246 jumpers, the Psychosis-Gazette spoke to exactly...two. One is an Obama supporter, the other a Clinton supporter. It also threw in a Democrat Obama supporter who just registered for the first time ever.

Nowhere in this article is there mention of the grassroots movement that encourages Republicans to re-register as Democrats for the primaries in order to vote for Hillary Clinton, based on the assumption that she would be more vulnerable against John McCain in the general. Those voters are going to switch back to Republican after the primary. Probably.

Regardless of who wins the presidency, I want to see an article like this in November, after the election, reporting the number of voters who switched from Democrat to Republican. I'm not holding my breath waiting for it. It's not the kind of news that would make Reg or Tony smile.

Preview From An Upcoming Episode of Battlestar Galactica, Season Four

2008-03-11T08:39:00.002-04:00

President Laura Roslin says something to piss off Colonel Tigh during his visit to the Colonial One.

When Will I Die?

2008-03-05T10:30:00.000-05:00

Inspired by this post, I decided to seek out and complete an online longevity quiz. I chose this one because it was the first thing to come up in Google.

Perhaps I should mention, for background purposes, that the last -- and only previous -- longevity quiz I took was about 3 years ago, at a time when I was under considerable stress and had not been diagnosed with, and treated for, hypertension. It determined that my life expectancy was something like, "already". I'm sorry to say that I can't recall what that quiz was; if I could, I would take it again to see if I've extended my time on Earth beyond "today".

Considering that I have made dietary adjustments, have been taking medication and supplements regularly, and even thrown in a modest bit of routine exercise, I figured that now would be a good time to test it again.

The results were much better this time around. According to this Life Expectancy Calculator, I ought to be able to live to age 83! That gives me more than half of my lifetime to pay off my debts. And I will probably need it all, too.

If I can lose a few more pounds, I could be looking at age 90. The Grim Reaper seems like a really cool guy, but I'm in no hurry to meet him. Unless he is really a she, and she looks something like this. In that case, Death can not come too soon.

The Fellation Candidate

2008-02-29T10:34:00.000-05:00

While I have absolutely no intention of voting for Barack Obama, I have been trying very hard to like the guy. He's the likely Democrat nominee at this point. He doesn't come off as being nasty, the way Hillary Clinton does. If he gets elected President, I don't want to end up being overwhelmed by an Obama version of Bush Derangement Syndrome.

There is a reasonable chance that John McCain could beat Obama based solely on the issues. When people hear Obama flesh out the details of what he means when he says "change", they are going to question him big time. (Major league big time, even.) Nuclear disarmament? When we know that a bunch of third world crazies are stockpiling their own atomic weapons? Yeah, that'll make us safe. His big ideas are all about weakening American security, and beginning a handover of power to the sinister "world community". He has atrocious policy goals, he hangs out with some questionable characters, but on a personal level, I don't think he is the devil incarnate. I do not hate him.

When I see the kind of press this guy gets, though, I start to have second thoughts about his likability. Given that the media is largely in favor of whoever gets nominated by the Democrats, I expected him to get plenty of positive coverage. The reaction that people have been having to Obama is almost otherworldly. He's young! He's dynamic! He's about "change"! He can end war, poverty, and human suffering! A lot of women (and probably a few "men") who have their brains between their thighs love him because he's sexy -- why, they even faint at his rallies, they are so overcome with a hormone rush! Gah! How revolting.

But that's what so many people love about Obama. Image is everything. His hardcore leftist positions won't appeal to a broad range of voters. That is why the focus of his media coverage is purely superficial.

That is also why John McCain and the Republicans need to hammer away at him on the issues. If too many narcissistic righty talk show hosts and pundits go overboard with unsubstantive and irrelevant attacks like "his middle name is Hussein", "he has big ears", "Barack the Magic Negro" or whatever, Obama's victory will be assured.

It would be as shameless as the Left's disgusting fawning over Obama the public image. Don't stoop to their level.

Iron Maiden History Lesson

2008-02-29T08:32:00.002-05:00

As Learned Foot at the Kool-Aid Report likes to say, "Iron Maiden can teach us a lot about" all sorts of things. Having earned a degree in History when I was at University, I can tell you that Iron Maiden is often at their best when singing about history. My particular favorite is the song "Alexander the Great", because it is basically a college-level exam set to heavy metal music. By the time you get to college, you learn that history is not simply names, dates, and places. The data are important, but it is the details behind the sequence of events that tell the true story of the human experience.

The first two verses of Maiden's "Alexander" are primarily a timeline of Alexander's life up to the conquest of the Persian Empire. In a college history exam, you often begin with a section of matching or fill-in-the-blank questions, or perhaps some questions requiring short, simple one-or-two sentence answers. The first two verses are the answer key!

The real meat of the test, the part which your professor weighs most heavily when determining your grade, and the section which should take more time for you to complete, consists of one or two essay questions at the end. It's not going to be something like "Who did Alexander defeat at Arbela, and when?" It's going to be a more thoughtful question like, "Please give a detailed analysis of Alexander's long-term impact on world history." Iron Maiden neatly sums up the answer in the lines,

His culture was a western way of life
He paved the way for Christianity.

Brilliant! Alexander's empire may have been carved up by his successors following his early demise, but the several chunks of it made it easier for the Romans to conquer in the following centuries. Thus did roughly half of Alexander's former empire unite with northern Africa, southern Europe, and western Europe. Christianity blossomed in a Roman province, and eventually expanded within the boundaries of the Roman Empire. Christian beliefs made their way to western Europe, and influenced the course of world history for the last two millennia. That's a bit more than you can reasonably fit into a single verse of a song with long guitar solos, but somewhat skeletal as far as meeting the requirements of an essay questions answer.

For those who don't like to read the book, but prefer to watch the TV show while listening to the song, this is for you:

And if you enjoy reading people call one another "Idiot" and "Moron" while arguing about whether Macedonians were Greek, feel free to peruse the video's comment section.

The Great Mohair Man

2008-02-27T15:35:00.001-05:00

Here's a song that I loved when it was first released, but which I found confusing because I had a bit of trouble understanding some of the lyrics:

The chorus at the end of the first verse, when I first heard it, sounded like "Geezer Butler, he's my friend, always winning in the end". i thought it was rather sweet of these guys to write a song in honor of Black Sabbath's pioneering heavy metal bassist and lyricist. Ozzy Osbourne had gotten attention over the years by singing someone else's lyrics for far too long; now let's give credit where credit is due. All hail the great Geezer Butler! Damn right.

Of course, the first several times I heard "The Hunter" by GTR, I was listening to a crappy mono radio in a garage while lifting weights, so my brain was not exactly tuned for listening comprehension. For several weeks, I had myself convinced that GTR was actually singing about Geezer Butler.

Then I bought the cassette tape of the album, read the actual lyrics, and cried. Not outwardly, of course. It was not that big of a deal.

Something else that wasn't such a big deal, at the time, was this bit:

Just take a lesson from the great Mohammed, he said...he said...
Pick up a rifle, you must be strong...

Those lines would raise more than a few hackles if written nowadays, but back in the pre-bin Laden days, it was simply a cross-cultural reference by an educated westerner. No, the thing that bugged me about the Mohammed reference -- and still does -- is that, after reading the lyrics, I still do not think it sounds like vocalist Max Bacon is singing about Mohammed.

It sounds like he is singing about someone called "the great mohair man". Every time I encounter the word "mohair", I remember an episode of All In the Family that had something to do with a mohair coat, and Archie Bunker's classic line, "Do you know how many moes died to make this coat?"

Add to the fact that, in the video for the song, Steve Howe is grinning through his impressively rock star-ish long hair when Bacon sings the line, and I have this impression of Howe as the "Great Mohair Man" indelibly imprinted in my brain. What are mohair coats made of? Why, Steve Howe's hair, of course!

I also considered the possibility that the line is actually "just take a lesson from the great Moe haired man". But none of the performers in the video bears much of a resemblance to the slap-happy boss of the Three Stooges.

What this world need is more songs about Geezer Butler and Moe Howard.

Happy Greg Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T13:38:00.002-05:00

Yes, it's that time again! It's February 14th, the one day each year when this blog takes a time out from the hustle and bustle of current events to sit back and reflect on the life and career of perhaps the greatest Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Champion of all time, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine.

Unfortunately, Mr. Valentine's career has taken a downturn in his old age:

Yep, I would say that a guy who has performed in front of sell out crowds at huge arenas all over the world has seriously hit the skids when he's reduced to sneaking into backyards and beating up kids.

Rainbow Rising, Romney Falling

2008-02-12T05:07:00.000-05:00

The other day the Nihilist in the Pantaloons of Golf composed a witty little ditty in honor of Mitty...um, I mean a song parody about Hugh Hewitt's unbending devotion to Mitt Romney's presidential aspirations, and Hugh's reaction in the wake of Romney's withdrawal. Being a man of excellent musical tastes, Nihilist set his lyrics to the tune of Rainbow's magnum opus "Stargazer" from the album Rainbow Rising. He linked to a site that gives the lyrics to the song.

Pffft.

Nihilist isn't big on visual aids. His post is missing something:

There you go! Now everyone can sing along.

News Flash: Newspaper Editor Denigrates Blogosphere!

2008-02-11T08:37:00.000-05:00

This column is so dripping with elitism that I'm not sure I can fisk it properly. It's laughable, really. The Psychosis-Gazette writer focuses on blogs that deal with literary criticism, since that is his area of expertise, but really, you could apply his attitude towards any area of concentration:

A book review in the Post-Gazette and other newspapers is the product of several people, from me, the editor who selects the book and its reviewer, to the critic to several editors who read the review and point out problems and errors in reasoning, fact and language.

Then we publish it. If mistakes persist, we correct them in print. Bloggers have no responsibility or obligation, except their own personal integrity, to do any of the above.

The newspaper book page is therefore an "authority," backed by several levels. Authority, however, is not a core value of the Internet mentality, Siegel writes. Just being alive and having access to a computer are enough to qualify one to write a blog.

A high priesthood writes the sacred text to be presented as gospel to the unwashed masses! The writer doesn't question our right to free speech; he just questions our qualifications to craft our own opinions and share our thoughts openly with anyone who cares to know. We need his ilk to tell us what to think, and just shut up about any conclusions we might happen to reach on our own. After all, most of us are unpaid independent free thinkers. God forbid we should compete with the moneyed editorial interests.

Some of us still read books, write letters, shop at real stores and make up our own minds about art, film, drama or music.

So he's suggesting that blogs are telling people what to think? Isn't that what newspapers are for? A thought's not fit to think unless it's printed in ink, after all.

He isn't exactly telling us to shut up, but when you see this kind of opinion expressed in an establishment newspaper, it is not hard to foresee a day when the free expression that we exercise in the online world will fall subject to some sort of government regulations, thanks to the powerful lobby of the oppressive journalistic class.

New Enemies

2008-02-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

Yes, enemies, not opponents. If you disagree, then you haven't been paying attention to the rhetoric.

The local commies have endorsed candidates for local offices, including two that cross over into my jurisdiction. We will be up against one of these folks in the Fall:

In the 18th Congressional District, Monroeville businessman Steve O'Donnell won the party organization's support for the right to challenge the incumbent, Rep. Tim Murphy, R-Upper St. Clair. Mr. O'Donnell had 115 votes, followed by Brien Wall, an Upper St. Clair businessman, with 81; Beth Hafer, of Mt. Lebanon, who works for the consulting firm operated by her mother, former state Treasurer Barbara Hafer, 51; Penn Hills school board member Erin Vecchio, 49; and Iraq war veteran Wayne Dudding, 28.

The 18th District has a Democratic registration advantage but bucked a Democratic congressional tide two years ago in easily turning aside a challenge from Democrat Chad Kluko.

Notably missing from the candidates' names is the fishmonger, who dropped out a few weeks ago. I still won't buy his fish.

I will reserve judgment on the Democrat candidate until after the primary decides who it is going to be. As for incumbent Tim Murphy, well, he's considered to be something of a moderate by local conservatives. He's still better than anyone the opposition can put up. Plus, he has that whole "the-left-hates-him-enough-to-protest-at-his-office-so-how-can-I-not-like-him" thing going for him. I can't wait to see how they are going to attack him when the campaign heats up.

The other local race:

In the only other contested county race, Pittsburgh Councilman Dan Deasy won the endorsement in the 27th Legislative District with 74 votes, over Ryan Douglass, 22; and John Paul Jones, 8. The seat was opened with the retirement of veteran Rep. Tom Petrone.

Petrone's retirement is a little surprising. Democrats have such a hold on this district that he could have easily been reelected until age 100 if he were to live that long. In all likelihood, whoever gets the Democrat nomination is going to be his replacement. The only candidate I was aware of until now was Paul Jones, for my wife signed his petition when he was going door-to-door recently. I countered by signing a Republican petition for the same office. I will sign just about any petition handed to me -- if the petitioner is a Republican in my jurisdiction -- because it makes me feel like I've participated in the process. Whether or not I vote for the person later is another matter entirely. It's a secret ballot, and I'll vote for whoever I want to.

You can guarantee that my vote is not going to a Democrat candidate, endorsed or not.

Minnesota Comes To Pittsburgh

2008-02-11T07:09:00.000-05:00

Having made use of the Birmingham from time to time over the last twenty years, I am not surprised that it's going to be closed for a while due to crumbling infrastructure issues.

I blame Tim .

What She Said

2008-02-11T06:55:00.000-05:00

Ruth Ann Dailey hits the nail on the head. Frankly, I always thought that "compassionate conservatism" sounded like "communism" with a few extra syllables.

George W. Bush, like most mainstream Republicans, tends to be too center-of-right for me. I probably wouldn't be too fond of the guy if the insane leftist establishment didn't hate him so much. The more they hate him, the more I love him.

I almost hope they hate McCain as much since it'll make me like the guy enough to feel good about voting for him in November.

Not The Best Way To Get Chicks

2008-02-07T07:03:00.000-05:00

On the bus ride home yesterday, I had a most interesting conversation with a fellow Pork Authority patron. We swapped stories about how we met our wives. As a teenager, he took notice of a girl whose sister he had just dated. He asked his ex's permission to go out with her sister, and she did not object. So he asked the sister, she said yes, and they've been together for over 30 years. In my case, I slowly became acquainted with a shy, withdrawn co-worker, soon becoming her best friend, lover, and eventually life partner. Neither of us achieved "husband" status by starting out with a cheap pickup line.

My pal nudged me and gestured towards an attractive brunette who looked to be about twenty years old. At first glance, he said, he thought she looked uncannily like his sister, and almost addressed her as such. I told him that it was a good thing that he didn't go up and hug her and plant a kiss on her cheek. It would be awkward for him to excuse himself by explaining that "you look like my sister". On the other hand, it would be an original way for a guy to meet women. Walk over, give a woman a hug and kiss her cheek, then pull back and apologize. "I'm sorry, but you look like my sister." What an effective ice breaker!

I recalled a former professional colleague who was notorious for hitting on every single woman in the workplace with the line: "You remind me of someone I used to know." Cheesy? Yes. But it must have worked, because he kept on using it.

My bus pal correctly surmised that telling a girl "you look like my sister" would not be a particularly effective pickup line. But it is funny. So funny, in fact, that I have been subject to random attacks of the giggles since the end of my bus ride yesterday.

I would love to see someone try using that line. Go out, find an attractive female, look her up and down, make eye contact, and tell her that she looks like your sister. Get it on video. Whatever her reaction, it belongs on YouTube.

Who Is Zach Suchin?

2008-02-06T07:43:00.002-05:00

My post from yesterday received a link from a Mitt Romney themed blog. Actually, it's more like a bot in blog form. Every post at that site is an "interesting post" and a "great post". Gee, thanks. But why does this bot think my name is Zach Suchin? I do not believe I have ever heard that name before.

I have heard of Zecharia Sitchin. But he's not me, either. If only I were someone else, whoever would I be? Zach Suchin or Zecharia Sitchin? I certainly wouldn't be me.

Self-Defeating Con Job

2008-02-05T07:49:00.000-05:00

Good morning and welcome to Super Tuesday! This is the day of caucuses and primaries that could make or break the few remaining Republican and Democrat presidential candidates.

Unless, of course, you live here in Pennsylvania, or some other state that isn't going to fire up them newfangled ee-lectronic voting contraptions until after the Spring thaw. Still -- it may go neck-and-neck right up to the conventions late in the Summer.

At the moment, I am not concerned with which Democrat gets nominated. Those of us on the Republican side seem destined to be stuck with either John "Colonel Tigh" McCain or Mitt Romney as our candidate. After Florida, Tigh seems to have the momentum going for him -- so say the polls.

Establishment conservatives are doing everything in their power to rein in the McCain surge:

Working to extend the GOP battle as well, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney campaigned across the country yesterday, branding Mr. McCain, who seized the front-runner's mantle with victories in three successive primaries, as a threat to the conservative future of the Republican Party.

Former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum campaigned alongside Mr. Romney, buttressing his assault on the Arizona senator, who has strayed from conservative orthodoxy on issues including immigration and campaign finance. Mr. Santorum told The Associated Press that conservatives "must vote for Mitt Romney. Because Mitt Romney is the only person in this race that can stop John McCain and the elite in the party, who don't as much care about those issues that a lot of folks in Georgia care about." Mr. Santorum also taped automated phone calls touting Mr. Romney to GOP voters across the nation.

Influential talk-show hosts, including Rush Limbaugh and Hugh Hewitt, also pressed the conservative resistance to the McCain momentum.

But the Romney strategy was complicated by the continued presence of former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, who was also competing for conservative votes while training much of his campaign rhetoric at Mr. Romney rather than the front-runner.

Limbaugh, Hewitt and Santorum (yes, he still wields influence) are heavy hitters in the Republican all-star lineup. Or should I say...in the conservative all-star lineup. These guys are ready to sell the Republican Party down the river if McCain gets nominated because he's not conservative enough. You could say the same thing about Mitt Romney. Sure, he has been saying all the right things on the campaign trail. But he has come to many of his positions rather late in the game. Who's to say he won't flip-flop back to his previous positions on abortion and socialized medicine, among other issues?

A big part of the problem is that too many influential establishment conservatives think of themselves as conservatives first, Republicans a distant second. That's fine most of the time; you want to get the ideas out there and convince people of the rightness of your way of thinking. Political philosophy transcends party registration -- some of the time. When it comes time to make a difference by exercising their right to vote, the philosophical conservatives don't always push the Republican lever. Remember the 2006 elections? Remember how the Democrats took control of Congress because moderate-to-conservative Democrats beat wishy-washy Republicans in swing areas? The conservatives triumphed over the Republicans. I hope they are happy with what they achieved that year.

Too much emphasis is placed on "conservatism" over party loyalty. Those establishment types are trying to destroy the party, whether they realize it or not. John McCain is not the alternative; he's on our side, whether they like it or not. Hillary and/or Obama is/are the alternative. Would you vote for either of those two over Colonel Tigh? Think long and hard about it.

I want to finish with a couple of points:

I am not fond of the term conservative. It suggests a certain degree of stodginess, of adherence to a strict system of beliefs and behaviors, and, if one strays from those ways, one is brutally shunned by the aforementioned conservative establishment. I much prefer to call myself a Right-Winger, for no reason other than that it scares complete idiots.
If establishment cons really cared about voting for the most conservative candidate, they would support Ron Paul. The only area where I strongly disagree with Ron Paul is on the war. He makes some good points about the way we entered into the war, but realistically, nearly everyone had been calling for Saddam's head for years. It was inevitable that we were going to do more than just drop bombs in Iraq. On just about everything else, Paul is dead right -- and clearly conservative. If conservative means adherence to the principals under which this country was founded; if it means cutting back and reducing the growth of the central government, thereby restoring the powers reserved to the states by the federal constitution; and if it means governing according to the oath of office, rather than pandering to special interests or the will of the mob, then Ron Paul is the ONLY conservative in this race.

You don't see the establishment cons rushing out to throw their support behind Ron Paul, though. We're going to get stuck with either Romney or Tigh, and we'd better be happy with what we get, or we are going to end up with Leftists running all three branches of the federal government.

President McCain

2008-01-30T09:52:00.000-05:00

Now that Colonel Tigh has emerged victorious in the Florida Republican Presidential Primary, I reckon that I should start taking him seriously. Up to now, I have been confused about which candidates I should take seriously. All I keep hearing about the 4-5 tops guys is how this guy is wrong on that issue, and that guy is wrong on this issue, and this other fellow is more of a Democrat than Hillary, ad nauseum. No wonder I don't post so much anymore. It's very sickening.

My primary is still almost three months away, which is plenty of time for McCain to run away from it, or for Romney to steal it from him. Realistically, those are the two top choices at this point. If I can't make up my mind before then, I will go ahead and go with Ron Paul as I had previously announced. If the race has been decided before April 22, I will vote for Ron Paul just for the heck of it. You know what would be cool about voting for Ron Paul? My polling place is in a church; the very same church, in fact, where Ron Paul was married back in 1957. How cool is that? How many times does a guy run for President and you get to vote for him in the very building where he was married, born, baptized, or educated?

There you go, establishment bloggers! Since you guys like to point out that Ron Paul voters are a bunch of lunatics and idiots, what could be crazier or stupider than "I'm voting for him because he got married where I vote"?

As for the other candidates -- I'm not sure about Romney. He seems a little too well-groomed to NOT be some kind of phony. He has flipped and flopped on a number of issues, but lately he has been turning in the RIGHT direction. His religion is weird and flaky, but I don't have a problem with it. I have had more contact with Mormons that most of my peers, owing to the fact that I am an amateur genealogist. If not for the Mormons' odd practice of trying to "convert" everyone who has ever lived, I would never have been able to compile a massive family tree of over 25,000 names. (There's another one for the kook file: "I'm voting for Romney, because if it were not for his religion, I wouldn't have such a huge family tree.")

Fred Thompson would have been good. He was endorsed by the RIGHT kind of people, and few others had anything bad to say about him. Too bad he's out; he would have been my second choice.

Mike Huckabee...well, just go to Bogus Gold and read pretty much anything from the last few weeks and you will get a clear picture of the man.

Duncan Hunter was a good candidate, so was Tom Tancredo, but I couldn't see either of them getting very in the race from the very get-go. Alan Keyes should have been the nominee in 1996, not Bob Dole, but his time has long since passed. Sam Brownback, Jim Gilmore, and Tommy Thompson barely registered on my meter.

An interesting list of lesser known individuals who are running (God knows where) for the nomination appears in Wikipedia. The candidate with the most interesting name is "Jesus Muhammed of Dearborn, Michigan". His full name is Jesus Bilal Islam Allah Muhammed. I would vote for him if his full name were Jesus Mary Mother Of God Muhammed or Jesus H. Christ Almighty Muhammed, but alas, it is not so.

Rudy Giuliani is still in the race, too, unless he has announced otherwise in the last hour. I no longer consider him to be a viable candidate for President, but neither McCain nor Romney could go wrong by naming Rudy as a running mate. His positions on issues dear to social conservatives have cost him dearly in this race, but he is a generally solid Republican who would do well if he were elected.

What about McCain, this morning's front runner? Well, he has been hit by strong criticism of his voting record and his history of working too closely with Democrats on big issues. He would probably be the best man to prosecute the war on terror, given his personal background in wartime military service. I could get behind his candidacy, if only I could erase the image of Colonel Tigh from my mind's eye when I see McCain on TV.

On the other hand, voting for Colonel Tigh would be kind of cool...

Coming Out Of The Woodwork

2008-01-30T08:25:00.000-05:00

Even though I don't post that much anymore, I still attract some interesting searches to older posts. This one, I admit, I brought upon myself, for having the audacity to blog about it. Most bloggers are closet exhibitionists, after all.

Two years ago I authored a post about Senator Harry Reid. I made a point of mentioning his home state, and one of its major tourist industries. Nowhere did I say anything about how much it costs to participate.

I guess this is a popular fetish in Spain, if a Google search is anything to go by.

Did the Psychosis-Gazette's resident ambassadorialist go on a wanton killing spree? If so, I missed it.

And the hits just keep on coming.

Blog For Bacon: The Only Good Pig Is A Dead Pig

2008-01-22T15:45:00.000-05:00

(This is a Blogs For Bacon Day post, fried in its own grease.)

I like bacon. In fact, I love it. You might even say that I have bacon on the brain. I might even smack you upside the head for saying that -- but I digress.

For years, bacon has been my number one choice for breakfast. I eat it on the rare occasion when I visit a breakfast buffet. I sizzle it up in my skillet on my kitchen stove. Three pounds, hot and crispy, just waiting for me to snarf it all down my gullet. Sometimes I even share it with my wife and five kids, but not too much. The less of it they get, the more they appreciate it. Always leave 'em hungry for more.

When I suffered through a health scare last April, I was concerned that I would be unable to eat bacon ever again. My blood pressure was way over 200. My cholesterol was climbing the scale trying to catch up with it. Once I had been sufficiently medicated and given good leave to leave the hospital, I asked the cardiologist what kind of diet I should follow. Normal diet, he said, but go easy on sodium and fat. Okay. Low sodium and low fat. Gotcha. Sounds simple enough. I'll just go to the market and read the Nutrition Facts. What's in bacon? Uh-oh. Here's how I reacted:

Now, bacon breakfasts were sacred rituals for me. I basically tossed the whole package of bacon in the skillet, fried until it wouldn't fry no more without becoming scorched, and repeated the process with 1-2 more packages, in case I wanted to share with the family. Having a nice skillet full of hot bacon grease, I would then crack open 5-6 eggs for those who were in the mood for unborn virgin chicken meat, and let the words collide. The eggs came out all bacony. Breakfast heaven, it was.

Now I was looking at hell. Low salt, low fat...there goes the bacon. Cholesterol? Eggs practically breathe the stuff. What was a bacon & eggs loving man to do?

As Mr. Spock likes to say, there are always possibilities.

The big name bacon brands sell a reduced sodium bacon for the same price as regular. I wouldn't call it LOW sodium, but I didn't feel like I was killing myself by eating it. I stuck with the eggs, rationalizing the cholesterol away by concentrating on what an excellent source of protein the ova are. I took some of the curse off, too, by pouring the bacon grease out of the skillet and pouring in some olive oil for frying the eggs. Olive oil is GOOD FAT. It washes the nasties out of your system. Try using olive oil in everything you eat for a couple of days and see what ends up in your toilet.

Just for kicks I have tried turkey bacon a couple of times. It's not bad, but there is just something inappropriate about the concept. Compare it to a . is a candy bar made by Hershey's that looks like any other candy bar...until you open the wrapper and there is NO CHOCOLATE anywhere in or on the thing. It's not bad, but it's just not right. Such is the reaction to turkey bacon. It doesn't taste like pig. It manages to look sort of like actual bacon, but that's not how turkey is supposed to look. It might as well be made of horse meat -- Trojan Horse meat, that is. Besides, turkey does not have the fat of the pig, and burns the skillet something awful.

All hail the pig, then, that magnificent creature that looks too fat, stupid and ugly to eat. Pot-belly enthusiasts aside, who would want to keep one of these creatures? Not I. A pig is one weird-looking dude. Put it in my mouth? Are you crazy? Yet, I do put in it my mouth, chew and swallow. And I enjoy it. Alive, the pig repulses. Dead, the pig nourishes. Death to the pig, for it gives us life!

If you crave adventure as well as Schweinfleisch, you could always try wild pig bacon with eagle eggs:

Suddenly I'm in the mood for fried slices of pig.